Photo Dump

I wanted to share, with those of you that are interested, some photos.  First up will be some of my own baby clothes that my mother cleaned and wrapped up for me for Christmas, for my baby girl.  There are also some hand-knitted hats that she got at a craft fair that are just too cute.  Next up will be my maternity/Christmas photos.  If you think any of these things might be upsetting in any way, please feel free to pass right on by, I'll understand!

First, here are my puppies "helping" me work from home the other day, just so that you aren't automatically bombarded with baby clothes!  They don't like to leave me a whole lot of room to sit.

And, the reason I was working from home:

We got another 3-ish inches last night.  Big and fluffy.  I'm sure JP is getting tired of shoveling, though.

Here are the baby clothes that were once mine, 32 or so year ago.  Please ignore the messy table!

And the hand-knitted little hats that Mom couldn't resist at the craft fair:

 And here are my/our 10 favorite of the 31 maternity/Christmas photos, that were taking on December 4th.

This one has the beautiful Lincoln Memorial Bridge in the background:

Here we are in front of our store:

This is the alleyway beside our store.  The brick wall and brick alley ended up being my favorite backdrop.

This is still in front of our store, but facing down the historic street.

The display window of our store,  I thought this was a neat idea, though getting down in to that position and back up again was interesting!

Another random alley-way a couple of blocks away, with a really neat old freight elevator that I didn't even know was there!

On the steps of the memorial:

Inside of our store, in front of our massive shelf of demo games.  We tried really hard to capture "us".

And that's all she wrote!  JP and I are headed to go see The Hobbit!  I'm so excited!  Have a great weekend!

A Snow Day, and 30 Weeks

Happy belated Christmas, all!

I had to cut my family holiday celebration a little shorter than intended, due to a blizzard warning set to take effect at 1 am this morning.  They were predicting 10 to 14 inches of snow.  We wanted to make sure we got home well before it started.  I'm not sure how many inches we got, but our county is under a snow emergency, they closed the highway, and our vehicles have been buried by the snow plow.  JP and I have been working from home, and I had to reschedule my MFM (and growth scan) appointment, which will now be next Thursday.  I really wanted to try to get there, but it's 55 miles away, via the closed highway, and it's just not safe.

Despite being cut short, and a little bit of drama starting off the weekend, I had a wonderful holiday.  My mom dug out a lot of my own baby clothes, cleaned them, and packaged them up for me for Christmas.  It was so much fun unwrapping and looking at all of it, and knowing/hoping my own baby girl will be wearing them soon.  I'll have to take and post some pictures of some of it.

Just for posterity, and to heck with feeling like I'm jinxing something, I think I'll do my weekly update.  As always, I'll understand if you skip right by.

* Belly - My phone app tells me that my uterus is now the size of a basketball.  Yep, that looks about right.

* Weight gain - I'm up 20 lbs.

* Symptoms - Sleeping has been a bit more uncomfortable, my hips are starting to ache after a couple of hours on which side.  I'm back to needing to pee more often, and my hormones/mood swings are getting erratic again.

* Cravings/Aversions -  Nothing unusual, though the sweet tooth is still in full-force.  Though, the other day I desperately wanted some friend vegetables and calamari, with horseradish sauce.  I never did go get any, though.

* Clothes - Thank goodness for stretch pants.  I can still wear some of my regular tops.

* Movement - No change on this one, tons and tons.  I love this more than I could ever describe.  She continues to elude letting anyone feel other than JP, much to my family's disappointment.

* Meds - Morning:  Regular multivitamin, iron supplement, 2000 ui Vitamin D, 1600 mcg Folic Acid.  Mid-day:  600 iu Calcium x2.  Evening:  Prenatal, 800 mcg Folic Acid, Rhino.cort , Advair, 450 mg DHA, 60 mg Hydrocortisone.  

New:  My endocrinologist upped my Hydrocortisone, despite decent bloodwork results.  She said as long as I'm tolerating it well, it can't hurt anything.

* Mood - Outside of a happy holiday, I've been really depressed and stressed.  Work has been ridiculous lately.

* What I miss - Not a thing.

* Appointments - MFM and growth scan rescheduled due to weather, to 1/3.  My next regular OB is 1/2.

* Medical concerns - My petite little baby, nutrition/calories, vitamin levels, CAH, Placenta Previa, though this has improved.

* Coming up - Who knows!

A Random Chuckle For You

I haven't bought any maternity panties.  I've been making due with older ones from one of my weight-loss stages.  This means that they're sometimes too loose, or too short, or both.  Today, on my way in to work, I had my hands full with various things.  Between the car and my desk, my panties fell down as far as they could go, inside of my pants.  Luckily, my pants didn't budge.

Merry Christmas!

*EDIT:  I just noticed that this is my 100th post.  Too funny!

Welcome December ICLW!

Hello ICLWers and Happy Holidays!

I'm Jamie, I'm 32 years old, married to JP  for just over 2 years (but together for 6).  I am 17 months post-op, roux-en-y (RNY) gastric bypass surgery; there's a link above if you're interested in reading more about it.  Since beginning my weight-loss journey (before pregnancy), I lost 146 pounds.  I've gained about 20 of that back.  I suffer from Non-Classic Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (NCAH), which effects my fertility very similarly to PCOS.  Untreated it causes elevated testosterone levels, insulin resistance, anovulation, etc.   Despite these hurdles, I am 29 weeks pregnant with my first child, a little girl!  It has not been without complications.  I had some spotting scares, which were eventually explained by placenta previa.  It is improving, and is finally over the 2 cm mark away from my cervix, as of a week and a half ago.  We're also having some growth issues.  IUGR was mentioned last visit.  We started at 8th percentile, jumped to 20th, and then went back down to 16th, with a less than average jump over two weeks, at our last growth scan.  The next growth scan is the day after Christmas.  Fingers and toes are crossed that we made some positive gains.  More of my IF history and US pictures of my little peanut, if you're in to that kind of thing, can be found in the tabs toward the top of the page.  If you have any questions for me, please feel free to ask!

If you decide to stay and poke around, I'll apologize in advance for my scattered and depressing recent posts.  My hormones are a mess lately.

Unexpected Distancing

I'm not an in-your-face pregnant person.  Even if I hadn't been through what I've been through trying to get pregnant, it's just not the kind of person that I am.  I don't give unsolicited updates to people.  Yes, I share on facebook... to a customized group of people that consists mostly of immediate family who don't live nearby.  I would think I wouldn't scare people away so easily, given that.

A lot of my life, a significant portion of my closest friends have been male.  Even most of my BEST friends over the last several years.  One such best friend, whom I met through my husband, lived with us for a time while he was struggling financially and putting himself through school.  He's my age, 32.  When he couldn't find a job after graduation, he enlisted in the army.  He's been gone for about 2 years, now.  It never stopped him from texting and calling often, and spending a good deal of time with us during his 2 leaves a year.  He was home last when I discovered I was pregnant, and was the first (and only, for a while) non-family member that we told.  I've heard from him significantly less, since then.  He never asks me how I'm doing, or how the pregnancy is going.  I know that it's painful for him to be single and away from all of his family and friends, and that he's miserable in the army.  I'm sure that jealousy plays a part, as does just the male tendency to not think to inquire about certain things.  It hurts me, though.  Now I just found out that we won't be able to see him, save for in passing, while he's home for Christmas.  He's been in town since Monday, and we haven't heard from him until today.  He expected we'd be available on Saturday (and didn't ask until a few minutes ago), and planned to come by.  We'll be with my family in the opposite end of the state.

I've mentioned before that my twin sister, who lives several states away, is moving home with her fiance when her lease is up in the spring.  She always knew she'd want to come home when one or both of her sisters started a family.  I couldn't be more thrilled about this.

When my younger sister (single and not tied down by anything specific) visited over the weekend, she told me that she's moving to the west coast, which is even further away, hopefully after my baby is born, but possibly before.  I didn't let on how upset that makes me.  I understand that people need to live their lives, and I don't really expect anyone to stay nearby just for me and my daughter.  But really... deep down, I would hope that she would WANT to.  I can't help but, in my recently increasing again hormonal state, think that maybe it's BECAUSE she doesn't want to be around for this.  Maybe she thinks my mother will be too much to handle.  Maybe it's for reasons I can't think of.  All I know is that I'm so upset that I burst in to tears every time I think about it.

I hate being such a frigging downer lately.  Please don't think that I'm not grateful for the things that ARE going right, because I very much am, I'm just having a hard time pushing those things to the surface, lately.  Six days til my next growth scan...  I hope with all of my being that we get some good news.  I'd even settle for some decent news.

Hugs to you all!

MFM Update, 29 Weeks

My MFM appointment went pretty uneventful.  I went over my blood sugars with one of the nurses, who advised me to add some protein to my bedtime snack if I'm having something sweet, to see if that will make a difference in my fasting levels.  We're going to go over them again after another week, before deciding to add any medications.  My blood pressure remains good/low.  My weight is up about 22 lbs.  I don't know if I can blame the high hydroc.ortisone dose on this, partially, or not.

I was not expecting the biophysical scan/ultrasound.  She was looking for specific things, which she explained to me as she went.  Breathing movements, fingers/toes movement, a few views of the heart, kidneys, brain, and pulse rates from her cord.  She kept kicking in the middle of the pulse recordings, which meant they had to start all over several times.  I don't ever get tired of that sound, so I didn't mind.  Everything seemed to look good.  They didn't check growth, cervix, or placenta, which is what I'm used to.  We'll do all that next week.  I was completely depressed to be there by myself for all of it.

I'm so tired of being worried.  I am comforted by every big and tiny movement that I feel inside of me.  I feel like her turns and somersaults are a lot more noticeable, and even slightly uncomfortable the last several days, which I feel like HAS to mean that she's growing.

I feel like I had a few weeks of reprieve from crazy-making hormone levels, but now they're back in full force.  After passing on to a friend that the scan was fine, but we didn't check growth or anything like that, he responded with "no news is good news".  I understand that it's well-meaning, but UGH!  For some reason it just really upset me.  There's no news on growth BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T CHECK IT.  If you're a good friend of mine, and you don't know what else to say, don't spout out some meaningless sentiment.  I may just start keeping updates for people that understand me and my state of mind.

I'm sorry this is so all over the place.  I've got the rest of this week, and then I'm taking off for my Mom's Saturday - Tuesday for Christmas.  I'm really looking forward to the time off/away, but not to the extra work I have to do to be able to not be here on Monday.  I don't have all of my shopping done, nor do I necessarily have the funds to finish.  I barely have anything wrapped, I have laundry I need to do.  I'd better stop thinking about all of it before I explode!

I'll be back in a couple of days with an ICLW post.  I'm looking forward to ICLW, I just hope I have time to participate as I should!

A Few Bullets

I only have a few minutes before I head to my MFM appointment, but I have a few things that I wanted to get off of my chest.

*  I can't even talk about Sandy Hook, and I'm having a hard time even reading people's posts about it.  So very sad and horrible.

*  I've been repeating my 4x daily blood sugar testing, as just 2 of my levels last time were above normal.  Every one of my first-thing-in-the-morning levels have been above normal, and one or 2 of my 2-hours-post-meal levels have been above normal, as well.  I guess I'll find out what this means at my appointment.

*  JP's work is being ridiculous about his attending appointments with me.  He's out of vacation/sick time, and they won't let him make up the hours by working late/early/on the weekends.  They never had a problem with this before, and yes, they know all of our circumstances.  I'm so infuriated by the whole thing that I doubt I would ever be able to show my face in his office again, without making a scene.  This means that he can't come to my next growth scan appointment next week, after taking off Christmas Eve.  I'm upset beyond words about this.

*  Without consulting my first, he asked his mother to go with me in his place.  I love my mother-in-law, don't get me wrong.  But, I'm also carrying some resentment toward her for a few things.  She's backed out on coming with us to appointments in the past, including the anatomy scan where we were to discover gender.  She also has been smoking inside of her new residence, despite promises to quit, and notification that her grandchild would not be visiting her there if she's been smoking indoors.  This may seem overprotective, but I have no gone through everything I've been through, only to subject my baby to any form of second-hand smoke.  I'm not doing it.  I could write a whole separate post about this, including the phone conversation I heard her have with her sister, bitching about it.  I haven't decided yet if her presence at my appointment next week is preferable to my going alone, or not.  I've been upset about it all day.

*  I had a regular OB appointment yesterday.   It was uneventful, and there isn't really anything to report.  I go back every two weeks, from now on.

I'd best get my bootie in the car and head across town.  Thank you for suffering through my venting session.

12th Percentile, 28 Weeks

We had another growth scan yesterday, and the news is not great.  My baby has dropped from the 20th percentile 2 weeks ago, to the 16th.  She only gained 4 ounces in that time.  My pregnancy phone apps says she should weight 2.25 to 2.9 lbs by now, but we're sitting at 1 lb, 13 ounces (1.8 lbs?), according to yesterday's measurements. That scares me so much.

The plan is to be seen weekly by MFM for a while, though my next growth scan won't be until the day after Christmas.  I'm to rest when I can, and eat as healthy as I can... as if I wasn't doing that already.

She is still moving a lot, and her heart looks good.  Her placenta has also cleared the 2 cm mark away from my cervix, which is what they wanted to see.  I think it's something like 2.4 cm away.  At least there is SOME good news.

I'm so scared, I'm depressed, the quality of my sleep is going downhill, and I'm carrying around a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders.  I really want to not be so worried, because I know that doesn't do either of us any good, but today I don't have much energy to fight it.

Tomorrow I have a meeting schedule with my bosses and one of my coworkers about the plan for getting her ready to cover for me while I'm gone.  I just don't want to deal with it, but I know I need to.

One More Hurdle Crossed

I have survived the 2nd trimester, and graduated to the 3rd.  Today I am 27 weeks pregnant.

I just got back from the regular ol' endocrinologist, checking up on me with pregnancy + NCAH.  She is pleased with my progress, and my hormone levels from the once-every-three-weeks blood draws.  However, it seems that my baby girl still has some chance of having a mild form of CAH (as I do), even though JP is not a carrier.  As such, she again increased my dose of hydrocortisone, just in case.  This is proving to be a headache with my insurance and the pharmacy, as they can't seem to get the memo that my dosage has been increased.  They keep denying it and/or trying to make me pay full price for requesting the refill too early.  I've got another message in to the pharmacist, asking what I need to do to get this ironed out.

Work is proving to be really stressful this time of year.  Thanksgiving is the biggest day of the year, as far as advertising and newspaper delivery, which trickles down to my job in the form of the paper carrier and single-copy store bills that I process and produce several times a month.  We've been in this "new" software since April, and they've had all those months to NOT BE SURPRISED by Thanksgiving, and prepare for this crap... but they saved it for the last minute, and it's completely messed up.  I am about ready to pull my hair out, but am doing my best to not get overly stressed.

Thank you for letting me rant!  I thought I had been doing better with the hormonal emotional roller coaster, but I have been ALL OVER the place today.

Royal Bump

I am already SO OVER hearing about Kate Middleton being pregnant.  It's going to be a long several months.  I tell you, despite the dream most little girls have growing up, I would NOT want to be a princess.  Never a moment of peace.

Improvement! And 26 Weeks

Yesterday marked 3 weeks and one day since the scan that told us my little girl was behind in her growth.  We also had our follow-up scan with MFM.  While she's still measuring small, at 1 lb 9 oz (based on measurements of her head, stomach, and femur) compared to an average of around 2 lbs at 26 weeks, we've made an improvement and are now in the 20th percentile.  I feel SO MUCH BETTER about that number!  We didn't get any new pictures, and they had some trouble getting one of the views of the heart that they needed, both because she was curled up very tightly into a ball.  Otherwise, they said everything is still looking pretty good.  Except for her placenta, which has not budged even a 10th of a cm in the last three weeks.  It's sitting at 1.7 cm from my cervix.  Our next appointment and scan is in two weeks.

Per the MFM's instruction, in lieu of the traditional test for gestational diabetes, as a sugary drink would make me quite ill, I have begun an alternative method.  I am checking my own blood sugar four times a day for seven days, and keeping a log.  Once first thing in the morning after at least an 8-hour fast, and two hours after each meal.  I've gotten in three tests so far, and they're all low/normal.  Hopefully my fingertips will survive the week!

I think my momentary confidence will prompt me to do the weekly stats.  Feel free to skip right on by.

* Belly - My phone app tells me that my uterus is now the size of a basketball.  Yep, that looks about right.

* Weight gain - I'm up 16 lbs.

* Symptoms - I've been relatively symptom-free lately.   A bit of acne, fatigue (of course), constipation, and some round ligament pain.

* Cravings/Aversions -  Nothing specific or unusual.  I've been trying to keep a handle on this, and eat like a good girl so I can get the appropriate nutrition.  I still need my dark chocolate, though.

* Clothes - I'm completely on maternity pants, I can't even do my Bella Bands with regular pants anymore.  Most of my regular tops are still fitting ok, though I bought a handful of maternity sweaters.

* Movement - Tons and tons.  I love this more than I could ever describe.  She continues to elude letting anyone feel other than JP, much to my mom's and sisters' disappointment.

* Meds - Morning:  Regular multivitamin, iron supplement, 2000 ui Vitamin D, 1600 mcg Folic Acid.  Mid-day:  600 iu Calcium x2.  Evening:  Prenatal, 800 mcg Folic Acid, Rhino.cort , Advair, 450 mg DHA, 40 mg Hydrocortisone.  

New:  I added an iron supplement at my OB's recommendation, cut out the Clariten, switched back to Advair, and my endocrinologist increased my hydrocortisone dose after my last blood test.

* Mood - Dare I say that some confidence is creeping back in?  She is a fickle bitch, like her sister hope.

* What I miss - Fitting behind the steering wheel!

* Appointments - Endocrinologist check-up on the 5th, next regular OB appointment is on the 17th, and my next MFM appointment (with US and cervix/placenta) is on the 11th.

* Medical concerns - My petite little baby, nutrition/calories, vitamin levels, CAH, Placenta Previa.

* Coming up - Professional maternity photos on the 4th, breastfeeding class on the 6th, childbirth class on the 15th, and my "baby" sister is coming on the 16th/17th to help paint the nursery!

ICLW, OB Update, 25 Weeks

Hello ICLWers!  I hope that everyone visiting from the US is having a wonderful holiday, and everyone else is having an excellent week/weekend!

I'm Jamie, I'm 32 years old, married to JP  for just over 2 years (but together for 6).  I am 16 months post-op, roux-en-y (RNY) gastric bypass surgery; there's a link above if you're interested in reading more about it.  Since beginning my weight-loss journey (before pregnancy), I have lost 146 pounds.  I suffer from Non-Classic Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (NCAH), which effects my fertility very similarly to PCOS.  Untreated it causes elevated testosterone levels, insulin resistance, anovulation, etc.   Despite these hurdles, I am 25 weeks pregnant with my first child, a little girl!  It has not been without complications.  I had some spotting scares, which were eventually explained by placenta previa.  It is improving, but isn't yet to the 2 cm away from my cervix that they want to see.  My last ultrasound also revealed that my baby girl is only in the 8th percentile for growth, so they're keeping a close eye on her.  More of my IF history and US pictures of my little peanut, if you're in to that kind of thing, can be found in the tabs toward the top of the page.  If you have any questions for me, please feel free to ask!

For those of you following along, I had an appointment with my regular OB on Monday.  It was mostly uneventful.  I've only gained another pound in 4 weeks, up 16 total.  My belly/uterus growth seems to be really close to on track, as I was measuring 24 weeks at 24 weeks, 5 days.  I have no idea how accurate a tape measure on my belly is, but I digress.

He further explained, about her growth, that if she drops down to something like the 2nd or 3rd percentile, that's when they're likely to decide that she stands a better chance on the outside than on the inside.  I'm sure there's more testing involved before making that kind of decision, but time will tell.  My next growth scan is on Tuesday, and it can't get here fast enough.

Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment!  I look forward to stopping by your home on the web!

The Yucks

I have had a serious case of the yucks the last couple of days.  Severe and painful bloating, for 2 evenings, which migrated into nausea when it subsided.  Then yesterday I woke up with a sore throat and nasal drainage.  Luckily it hasn't gotten any worse today, and Sudafed is my new best friend.  JP has been a saint in taking care of me and running around and getting me food and medicine.

Wednesday marked 24 weeks.  Lots of movement from baby girl is still making me feel a little more confident every day.  I'm still scared shitless about her growth, though.  11 days until our next scan, and hopefully some better news.

Our trip out to Denver to see my sister was FANTASTIC.  I hated to come back!  We visited Colorado Springs for a day, and Garden of the Gods.  Wow!  We also made a trip to the Denver Zoo, Red Rocks Amphitheater and had several excellent meals.  I also spent plenty of time snuggling my sister's 10-week old puppy.  I'll leave you with a few pictures.

My twin sister and I at Garden of the Gods.  I believe this is one of the Balancing Rocks.

JP and I at the visitor's center of Garden of the Gods

Me and the aforementioned puppy!  I love this little guy.  He wouldn't stay put in my luggage, though.

And, lastly, the 24-week bump.  Looking slightly less disheveled than the last one I shared.

23 Weeks

I'm going to skip the stats again this week.  It just doesn't feel right, as I'm back in full-paranoia mode.  Even though I probably could have really used it, I rescheduled my therapy appointment that I had last night.  I didn't want to face anyone else telling me that everything was probably going to be just fine.

I'm doing better, though, actually.  I'm strong, and so is my baby girl, and we're going to get through this.  My next growth scan is 11/27.  I expect that I'll be guarded until then, and possibly after, depending on what kind of news we get.

Bright and early Friday morning JP and I are flying to Denver to visit my sister and her fiance.  I've never been out there before, so I'm super excited.  I'm not much of a planner, so I don't know what all we're going to be doing.  My only stipulation was that I wanted to go to a zoo while I was there.  I think we're going to end up at the zoo in Colorado Springs, followed by Garden of the Gods.  It should be fantastic.  It's not a super long trip, though.  We come back Monday, and I'm back to work on Tuesday.  Sigh.

Lots of love to all of you out there still putting up with me.

8th Percentile

I am terrified, ladies.

I had my follow-up anatomy scan yesterday.  While there is some good news in that her heart and organs and whatnot still look good, and her placenta is really close to being the minimum of 2 cm away from my cervix that they like to see, there was some not-so-good news, too.

Baby girl is small for her gestational age, she's only in the 8th percentile.  The MFM doc said a lot of things when he was talking to me about it, but the only two things that stick out in my mind are the words "8th percentile" and "increased risk of stillbirth".  My husband reminded me this morning that he did mention that sometimes before the baby reaches a certain size, measurements can be effected by angle and position and whatnot.  I go back in three-weeks for a follow-up ultrasound.

My job, for the moment, is to stay the heck off of google and stop trying to read about IUGR, which was not at all mentioned by the doctor, but the product of my own stupid searching.  And to stop panicking, as there's not a damn thing I can do at this point.  I'm working on that one.

22 Weeks

The end of the month has come around again.  This means a very busy week at work for yours truly, and I really hate it!  Happy Halloween, in any case!

Here are the weekly stuffs, feel free to skip right on by!

* Belly - Very nearly sticking out farther than my boobs.

* Weight gain - I'm up 15 lbs, as of my last OB appt.  I'm glad that I'm able to gain weight, I just wish that I wasn't at the high end of normal by this point.

* Symptoms - Oh the back pain!  My body may, one of these days, settle on a stable weight and not be constantly shifting my center of balance.  Still having interrupted sleep, though I think I'm adjusting to it.

* Cravings/Aversions -  Sweets, sweets, and more sweets.  Though I'm also starting to react even more poorly to sugar.  I've cut way down and am trying to find a variety of substitutes.  Fiber bars and fruit, mostly.  A good cup of decaf with sugar-free flavored syrup is excellent in this weather, too.

* Clothes - No change, I'm completely on maternity pants or regular pants and a Bella Band.  The first of my regular tops are starting to not be long enough over this belly, but most still fit.

* Movement - I think I'm noticing the beginnings of patterns in her active and sleepy periods, but I'm not quite sure yet.  JP has been able to feel her move twice now.  So wonderful!

* Feelings on gender - We're still having a girl!

* Meds - Morning:  Regular multivitamin, 2000 ui Vitamin D, Clari.ten 10 mg, 1600 mcg Folic Acid, 2 puffs of Symbi.cort (new change from Advair).  Mid-day:  600 iu Calcium x2.  Evening:  Prenatal, 800 mcg Folic Acid, Rhino.cort (new change from Flonase), Symbi.cort, 450 mg DHA, 40 mg Hydrocortisone.  New:  My last blood test showed that my hormone levels were a little high, so my endocrinologist raised my Hydrocortisone dose from 30 mg to 40 mg.

* Mood - I have a little bit more of a temper these days, and stress seems to induce anger.

* Appointments - My next MFM appointment (with US and cervix/placenta) is next Monday, Nov. 5th.

* Medical concerns - Nutrition/calories, vitamin levels, CAH, Placenta Previa (sigh).

* Nursery progress - My crib and changing table arrived!  They're still sitting in the boxes, and we've made virtually no progress cleaning out her room, but we'll get there eventually.

* Coming up - Looking forward to the next ultrasound

A Nightmare

Upon returning to bed after one of my middle-of-the-night potty visits, I must have twisted awkwardly, because I triggered a ligament pain.  I was able to fall back to sleep fairly quickly, but I then dreamed that the pain I was feeling, was early labor, and I was losing my baby.

I've had a few more benign vivid dreams over the last month or two, but this one caused me to wake up crying and sweating.  I could definitely live without it.

21 Weeks

In honor of my 2nd wedding anniversary and reaching 21 weeks in my pregnancy, I am putting on a brave face and sharing a couple of pictures.

Here I am, on my wedding day, in all of my pre-weight-loss glory.  Isn't JP adorable?!  He's lost about 50 pounds since then, too.  Yes, that is a Slytherin house tie, and Chuck Taylor shoes!

And here I am today, in all of my post-shower, wet-haired glory.  Please ignore the hideous wallpaper.  It is coming down very soon.

I still have a ways to go, once I'm done building a baby, before I reach my goal weight.  I still think that I have a lot to be proud of and thankful for!

Anxiety

I am trying really hard to let go of anxiety, and enjoy each day, each moment, of my pregnancy.  For the most part, I am succeeding.  But not always...

Though today is my anniversary, we celebrated on Sunday.  Due to work and meetings, it will be 8 pm before we even see each other this evening.  We drove to a nearby bigger city, had lunch at the restaurant where JP proposed, worked on our registry and Babies R Us, and did a little various shopping.

I set foot in Babies R Us, and by the time we got back to the registry deck, I was on the verge of a panic attack.  What was I doing here?  I don't belong here.  I don't have any right to be doing a registry!  My heart was pounding and I started to cry.  JP did his best to reassure me, and as we started walking through the store with the little scanner gun, I relaxed a little bit.  Then the increasingly daunting realization of how many things a baby needs, and my complete lack of knowledge kicked in and I tensed right back up.  In the end, I'm much more comfortable adding things via the website, than I was there in person.

I threw a little more caution to the wind and ordered a crib and changing table yesterday.  I felt a lot of anxiety, again, as I placed the order.  A big part of me feels like I have no business doing that kind of thing, like I'm kidding myself or something.  Another part is so excited, and can't wait til they get here!  They should arrive on Thursday, if the tracking is telling me the truth.

At least this is all fodder for my next therapy session.

October ICLW

Hello folks visiting from ICLW!  I took a three day weekend, and the 21st just passed right on by and I didn't realize it.  I am so sorry everyone!

I know some folks will see the pregnancy ticker and just keep right on going to the next on the list.  I don't blame you, I truly don't.  I used to do the same thing.  Know that in my heart of hearts, I wish that you'll be following very close behind me!

I'm Jamie, I'm 32 years old, married to JP  for EXACTLY 2 years today (but together for 6), as it's my wedding anniversary today!  I am 14 months post-op, roux-en-y (RNY) gastric bypass surgery.  Since beginning my weight-loss journey, I have lost 146 pounds.  I suffer from Non-Classic Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH), which effects my fertility very similarly to PCOS.  Untreated it causes elevated testosterone levels, insulin resistance, anovulation, etc.   Despite these hurdles, I am (nearly) 21 weeks pregnant with my first child, a little girl!  More of my IF history, and more details about RNY can be found in the tabs toward the top of the page.  If you have any questions for me, please feel free to ask!

Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment!  I look forward to stopping by your home on the web when I get back from my trip!

Halfway There

I feel guilty that the 15th went by uncommemorated by my blog.  I personally have no experienced a loss, but I experience it through the words of so many of the blogs that I follow, and I always wish there was some way that I could lend more support.  I'm always thinking of you ladies and your angel babies, and sending my love.

Today marks 20 weeks pregnant for yours truly.  I'm going to skip the weekly post and instead just take a deep breath and honor a point in my life that I never imagined I would be able to get to.  Each week that passes qualifies under that, I suppose, but this seems monumental to me for some reason.  I still have a ways to go, I know.  I have so much love for this little girl growing inside of me.

I hesitate when people ask about her name.  I'm not really sure why, because I love the choice that we've made, and am so proud of it and where it comes from.  Maybe I feel like saying it aloud will jinx it somehow.  I exhibit a lot of that behavior.  I wouldn't give away my tampons, I can't delete the cycle tracking app off of my phone or clear the memory on it, even though I'm running out of space.  I feel loony just saying those kinds of things.

Her name is Betty Jean.  My mother's first name is Betty, as well as her mother's (my mammaw) sister.  My mammaw's middle name is Jean, and is actually the name she uses day to day.  I've always loved old-fashioned names, and these women are inexpressibly important and special to me, so it seems only right.

Only 20 more weeks to go, baby Betty!  I can't wait to meet you!

Leaving My Job? And 19 Weeks

I have almost completely decided to leave this job after maternity leave.  I asked HR if there were any consequences if I decided not to come back, and here is what they told me:

"What I have found out is if you do not return to work for reasons other than a serious health condition for yourself or a family member, the company may require you to reimburse the total costs associated with the leave.  Which means they could request the portion that [my employer] pays for your insurance to be reimbursed to them for your leave period.  Any STD (short-term disability) that was paid out, would need to be reimbursed to the company as well.   Basically they would go back to the last day you worked prior to the leave and use that as your term date.  

If you were to come back let’s say for a week, none of the above would apply.

Let me know if you need any additional information."

So, I guess the plan is to take my 12 weeks, come back for a week or two, and then get the heck out of dodge.  The only question is, when do I give notice?  Is there a possibility that they'll ask me to NOT come back for that week if I'm just going to leave again?  What to do?! If anyone has any advice or insight, I would appreciate it!

Here are the weekly stuffs, feel free to skip right on by!

* Belly - Definitely popping out now, and starting to look very round.  I've got some skin just hanging there looking gross at the bottom of my "gut".  I really hate it, and can't enjoy looking at myself uncovered.

* Weight gain - They didn't put me on the scales at my last appointment, so I'm not sure.

* Symptoms - Have I mentioned that I'm so tired!  I'm also noticing a lot more round ligament pain this week.

* Cravings/Aversions -  Sweets and Chinese food, still.  Especially strawberry pop tarts, which then make me feel super yucky!  I can't seem to resist, though.

* Clothes - No change, I'm completely on maternity pants or regular pants and a Bella Band.  My regular tops are still fitting ok.

* Movement - I am definitely feeling her move more often!  It is the most amazing thing in the world!

* Feelings on gender - We're having a girl!  It still feels so surreal to be referring to my baby as "her", "she", and "my daughter"!  <3

* Meds - Morning:  Regular multivitamin, 2000 ui Vitamin D, Clari.ten 10 mg, 1600 mcg Folic Acid, 2 puffs of Symbi.cort (new change from Advair).  Mid-day:  600 iu Calcium x2.  Evening:  Prenatal, 800 mcg Folic Acid, Rhino.cort (new change from Flonase), Symbi.cort, 450 mg DHA, 30 mg Hydrocortisone.  New:  I had one-dose Difl.ucan to clear up a yeast infection.

* Mood - The only thing that seems to be getting me down is work.

* What I miss - I went to a wine and art festival over the weekend with my husband, mother-in-law, and a friend.  I enjoyed the food and the art, but I missed the wine tasting!  It's worth it, though.

* Appointments - My next regular OB appointment is on the 22nd, and my next MFM appointment (with US and cervix/placenta) is Nov. 5th.

* Medical concerns - Nutrition/calories, vitamin levels, CAH, Placenta Previa (sigh).

* Coming up - Starting to look at nursery themes!

Behind Door Number One...

We're having a girl!  I was always going to be thrilled either way, as long as she's healthy!  Everything seems to look great so far.  They didn't get all of the images of her heart that they would have liked to, so I go back in 4 weeks for a repeat scan.

At first we didn't think we were going to get gender.  She was being very uncooperative and stayed curled up in a ball to one side.  After the tech (who was fantastic, especially compared to the one that did my NT scan) got a lot of the important organs and whatnot, we took a break to see if she'd scoot over and open up her legs.  And she did!

It's not ALL good news, though as behind door number two, is...

Placenta previa.  Sigh.  It's only partial, and the doctor said that 95% of the time the placenta will "move out of the way" as the baby and my uterus grow.  I hope he's right.  They're going to keep a close eye on it.  At least now I have an explanation for the spotting.

I was feeling so happy and good, despite the previa, until after I got to work today.  I took all of yesterday off, so I could spend the afternoon with my husband.  The other people in my department knew about this appointment, and the ultrasound.  The only time and of these jerks have spoken to me today, is to tell me about problems that popped up yesterday in my absence, and even THAT they did via email.  I spent half the morning in tears.  I emailed HR to find out what would happen to my maternity leave if I decided not to come back.  It's all FMLA and short-term disability, which I'm pretty sure I'm guaranteed no matter what (as we pay for it in our taxes), but I'm not sure what will happen to my health benefits.  Hopefully they'll get back to me soon.  I don't see what they could do about any of it if I just called and told them at the end of the 12 weeks that I'm not coming back...  I just don't think I can do that, though.

Thank you for putting up with my griping!

Edit:  I added the US photos to the "Our Little Gizmo" page at the top!

Spotting Update

I haven't seen anything since about 10:00 last night.  Hopefully it stays that way.  I'll mention it at the doctor on Monday, and see what they think.  Maybe infection related?

Who knows.  The whole thing has left me strained and depressed.

Bad Excitement, Good Excitement, and 18 Weeks

I've had the tiniest bit of rusty-colored discharge/spotting today.  So far it seems to have stopped, but my heart is currently residing in my throat.  Most would say that I've had a fairly easy pregnancy, but I would take 9 months of throwing up every day, to never have to go to the bathroom and see spots in my panties. I'm doing my best to stay calm about it.  Every subsequent visit to the potty with nothing new makes me feel a little better.

In other, more happy-inducing news, my master bath is well on it's way to being renovated!  In 1 day the contractors had it completely gutted.  The next day they put down new subfloor, built out the wall so a 4 foot shower could fit were a non-standard (small) tub had been, and installed most of my new shower.  Today they're putting down the new flooring, and I'm not sure what else.  Very exciting!

On a semi-whim, JP and I decided to take a little trip!  My twin sister has lived in Denver for a couple of years now with her fiance.  She's moving back to Indiana in the Spring/early Summer, so if I want to visit her out there, I need to get going before my third trimester.  We booked out plane tickets today, and we're heading out on November 9th.  I'm so excited!

Speaking of my twin sister...  My pregnancy has motivated her to make some changes of her own.  She's dedicated to losing some weight, and she visited an endocrinologist to start being treated again for her CAH (we're identical, with the same adrenal disorder).  She is officially on the start of her road to TTC!  We're all really excited!

The weekly update, feel free to skip right on by!

* Belly - Definitely popping out now, though some still say it's not obvious.

* Weight gain - I'm up about 7 lbs.

* Symptoms - Fatigue is the big one.  My commute to work is starting to become pretty rough.  I'm having a lot of trouble staying asleep all night.

* Cravings/Aversions -  Sweets and Chinese food.  All of the Fall pumpkin treats are amazing!

* Clothes - I'm completely on maternity pants or regular pants and a Bella Band.  I'm having trouble with maternity shirts, and in general find them to be TIGHTER than regular shirts of the same size, just longer.  What the heck is up with that?

* Movement - I'm pretty sure I felt the baby move for the first time the night before last.  It felt like a tiny little flick just to the left of my belly button.  So amazing!  I can't wait until it's more frequent!

* Feelings on gender - I'm not guessing anymore!  My mother is SURE it's a girl, and my twin sister is SURE it's a boy!  Anatomy scan in 5 days!

* Meds - Morning:  Regular multivitamin, 2000 ui Vitamin D, Clari.ten 10 mg, 1600 mcg Folic Acid, 2 puffs of Symbi.cort (new change from Advair).  Mid-day:  600 iu Calcium x2.  Evening:  Prenatal, 800 mcg Folic Acid, Rhino.cort (new change from Flonase), Symbi.cort, 450 mg DHA, 30 mg Hydrocortisone.

* Mood - Erratic.  I go from really angry to over the moon excited about all the changes going on.  I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes.

* What I miss - Sleep.

* Appointments - Have I mentioned that my anatomy scan is in 5 days?!?!

* Medical concerns - Nutrition/calories, vitamin levels, CAH.

* Coming up - ANATOMY SCAN on Monday!

Crummy Week

I hope no one minds if I skip the weekly post this week.  I'm having a really crappy week, work-wise, and I just can't muster the energy.

My 16-week OB appointment went well.  We heard Gizmo's little heart beating away at 155 beats per minute.  I love that sound.  Belly growth is apparently right on target, as is my weight gain, which is good news.  I'm having very minor disgruntlement over gaining weight for the first time in almost 2 years, but then I remind myself that it's supposed to be happening, and even a healthy thing!  It's just something I didn't expect to be struggling with internally, but it's been a heck of a journey, so I suppose it's understandable.

Our conference/open house over the weekend was exhausting, but fantastic!  We learned a bunch, and came home with a trunk-load of freebies and give-aways.  I also was able to spend a little bit of time with my mom and grandma, which is always wonderful.  She had some maternity clothes for me, and she has a bunch of baby things that she wouldn't show me.  She's so excited, it's rather adorable.

I hope everyone is having a great ICLW, and a great week in general.  The weekend can't get here fast enough for me!

September ICLW

Hello folks visiting from ICLW!  I know I'm a day early, but I'm going to be out of town for the next three days at a conference/open house for my hobby/board gaming business.

I'm Jamie, I'm 32 years old, married to JP  for almost 2 years (but together for 6).  I am 14 months post-op, roux-en-y (RNY) gastric bypass surgery.  Since beginning my weight-loss journey, I have lost 146 pounds.  I suffer from Non-Classic Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH), which effects my fertility very similarly to PCOS.  Untreated it causes elevated testosterone levels, insulin resistance, anovulation, etc.   Despite these hurdles, I am 16 weeks pregnant with my first child.  More of my IF history, and more details about RNY can be found in the tabs toward the top of the page.  If you have any questions for me, please feel free to ask!

Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment!  I look forward to stopping by your home on the web when I get back from my trip!

16 Weeks (& 1 Day)

Tomorrow through Sunday, JP, our store manager, and I are headed to a conference and open house put on by our merchandise distributor.  It should be tons of fun and very informational!  I didn't get to go last year, but the guys returned full of idea and ambition for improving our business.  It also happens to be taking place 20 minutes from my hometown, so we get to stay with and visit with my mom!  Woohoo!  Pregnesia reared it's head and I completely forgot to pack until this morning, and we're leaving as soon as I get home from work.  Oops!

Missing a day of work means that the other 4 have been a little busier.  I'm also "working from home" on Monday, because I have an eye doctor and OB appointment, so I have to do a few things to get ready for that, too.  Busy busy!

The weekly update, feel free to skip right on by!

* Belly - I am now switching back and forth between regular pants, unbuttoned and held together with a hair tie, and the maternity pants I found at second-hand stores last week.  I can no longer handle anything that's tight at all.  Too uncomfortable.

* Weight gain - I'm still up 4 lbs.

* Symptoms - Round ligament pain is becoming more frequent and a little more intense, especially when I've been on my feet for an extended amount of time.  Trips to the potty are increasing.  Fatigue seems to be getting better and worse at the same time.  I'm not as tired throughout the day, but when it's bed time, it's bed time!  I'm still pretty emotional, and taking it out on my husband occasionally.  He's usually a really good trooper.  My memory is becoming increasingly flakey.  Nothing new this week, I think...

* Cravings/Aversions -  Give me that cookie!

* Clothes - Hooray for full-panel maternity jeans!  So comfy!

* Movement - I'm really looking forward to this in the next couple of weeks!

* Feelings on gender - I'm not guessing anymore!  Let the countdown to the anatomy scan begin!  2 weeks and 3 days!

* Meds - Morning:  Regular multivitamin, 2000 ui Vitamin D, Clariten 10 mg, 1600 mcg Folic Acid, 2 puffs of Symbi.cort (new change from Advair).  Mid-day:  600 iu Calcium x2.  Evening:  Prenatal, 800 mcg Folic Acid, Rhino.cort (new change from Flonase), Symbi.cort, 450 mg DHA, 30 mg Hydrocortisone.

* Mood - My poor husband.  I've been hard on him this week.

* What I miss - Sleeping through the night.  It seems so cruel to have to get up to potty so much.

* Appointments - My allergist appointment was fine, she changed my meds.  It's interesting sometimes that what one doctor says is fine, another wants to change.  *shrugs*

* Medical concerns - Nutrition/calories, vitamin levels, CAH.

* Coming up - OB appt. on Monday.  I'm always excited to hear the heartbeat on the doppler.  More work on the house!

15 Weeks

I just heard from my endocrinologist's office.  My 2nd round of once-every-three-weeks bloodwork came back much better than the last, so there is no need to further increase my meds dose.  Woohoo!  They do, though, want me to continue getting my blood drawn every three weeks.

There are some corporate folks in at work this week.  Twice this week they've all gone out to lunch, with the rest of my department, and not bothered to invite me.  My department does this occasionally even when corporate is not here visiting.  It really hurts my feelings, but I'm not the type to stand up for myself.  I assume that it's a holdover from my predecessor, who kept completely to himself.

Home renovations are moving a little slowly.  When we tore down wallpaper in the hallway, we found several fist-sized holes in the drywall.  We're working on patching them, but it involves a lot of plaster (putty?), that needs a day in between to dry before it can be sanded and re-applied.  We got an estimate on remodeling the master bath that was less than 1/3 of the first estimate we go, so we're going with it!  The only down-side is that the guy has some roofing jobs lined up, and will only be able to work on our house when it's raining.  I can live with that, for the price.  I still don't know what we're going to do about re-finishing the hardwood floors.  I just don't want to do it ourselves, and having it professionally done seems way too costly.  Sigh.

The weekly update, feel free to skip right on by!

* Belly - Whilst comparing this morning's shot with three weeks ago, there is a definitely noticeable increase in girth.  Maternity pants shopping is on the agenda for Friday.

* Weight gain - They may weight me at my allergist appt. on Friday, otherwise I haven't weighed in since my MFM appt.

* Symptoms - Occasional round ligament pain.  Very frequent trips to the potty, fatigue, heightened sense of smell, tender breasts, constipation, and oh the hormones and mood swings!  New this week:  Painful bloating, ouch!  I've also got my 2nd fever blister since I got pregnant.  Gotta love that slightly weaker immune system.

* Cravings/Aversions -  I still have a terrible sweet tooth!  Mostly I want sandwich cream cookies.

* Clothes - I'm wearing my pants held closed with hair ties.

* Movement - I'm told there's a lot going on in there, but it will be a while yet before I feel it.

* Feelings on gender - I had a THIRD dream about that dark-haired baby girl.

* Meds - Levels are good, so no increase.  Morning:  Regular multivitamin, 2000 ui Vitamin D, Clariten 10 mg, 1600 mcg Folic Acid.  Mid-day:  600 iu Calcium x2.  Evening:  Prenatal, 800 mcg Folic Acid, Flonase, Advair, 450 mg DHA, 30 mg Hydrocortisone.

* Mood - Having some panic moments this week, mostly about financials.  I guess you're never completely ready.

* What I miss - Sleeping through the night.  It seems so cruel to have to get up to potty so much.

* Appointments - I go see my allergist on Friday, just a routine follow-up, but my first since I got pregnant.  I have therapy on Monday, I haven't been in a while.  My next OB appointment isn't until 9/24.

* Medical concerns - Nutrition/calories, vitamin levels, CAH.

* Coming up - More work on the house!