I am trying really hard to let go of anxiety, and enjoy each day, each moment, of my pregnancy. For the most part, I am succeeding. But not always...
Though today is my anniversary, we celebrated on Sunday. Due to work and meetings, it will be 8 pm before we even see each other this evening. We drove to a nearby bigger city, had lunch at the restaurant where JP proposed, worked on our registry and Babies R Us, and did a little various shopping.
I set foot in Babies R Us, and by the time we got back to the registry deck, I was on the verge of a panic attack. What was I doing here? I don't belong here. I don't have any right to be doing a registry! My heart was pounding and I started to cry. JP did his best to reassure me, and as we started walking through the store with the little scanner gun, I relaxed a little bit. Then the increasingly daunting realization of how many things a baby needs, and my complete lack of knowledge kicked in and I tensed right back up. In the end, I'm much more comfortable adding things via the website, than I was there in person.
I threw a little more caution to the wind and ordered a crib and changing table yesterday. I felt a lot of anxiety, again, as I placed the order. A big part of me feels like I have no business doing that kind of thing, like I'm kidding myself or something. Another part is so excited, and can't wait til they get here! They should arrive on Thursday, if the tracking is telling me the truth.
At least this is all fodder for my next therapy session.
Good for you taking a leap like that! Good luck. :)
ReplyDeleteSo here is what happened to us: we kept delaying preparations like nursery projects and getting all the basic baby stuff because of the PAL/IF anxiety. Well, our little boy surprised us with a bit of an early arrival following an unexpected bedrest period. Baby shower got postponed as well. Everything went great with the baby, but we came home from the hospital to an empty nursery and no clothes for my tiny boy with no family around to help, post- c-sec. That was worse than the PAL/IF anxiety. I felt like such a bad parent already.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great, such a big step! Good for you ordering the furniture!!! it will be so much fun putting her room together!
Hi from ICLW. Well done on buying a crib! That is super exciting :)
ReplyDeleteI have suffered from anxiety for years so I can totally relate. The funny thing is, since getting my BFP this month, my anxiety has decreased a lot. It's not completely gone yet but I don't have chest pains every day anymore.
ReplyDeleteYou do deserve a baby registry and you do deserve the items you just purchased. And more than anything, you deserve that baby.
I'm feeling a lot of that too, and I think I've decided that I'm going to let it go for now (the doing things part) because it's stressing me out. I bought Little Monster (due the same time as you) an outfit yesterday and I really have to put it away someplace so I quit looking at it on the kitchen table and being nervous.
ReplyDeleteHOWEVER, I'm going to get over freaking out and I have been managing that a little bit by acknowledging my panic when it happens, feeling it for a few minutes, and then moving on with my life. Usually the emotions go away after I've acknowledged them and accepted that it's ok to be nervous about this whole thing.
So enjoy the baby registry (I recall Target had a good list of what you'd need, and Amazon has piles of those lists too for when you are overwhelmed) and enjoy whatever bits you can while you wait for baby's arrival. Only liars tell you to "enjoy every minute." Enjoy the good times.