Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I now have 2 pregnant cousins.


Bariatric doctor appointment in 30 minutes. Will update tomorrow.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Some you'll relate to, some you won't

IF just gave me a big kick in the face.

Before I explain, a little back story will be needed.

My husband (JP) and I own and run a hobby shop, most as a hobby, in our free-time. We have a bit of merchandise, but mostly we're here for our open play space, where we hold gaming groups, leagues, and tournaments. Games like Magic: the Gathering, Pokemon, and Dungeons & Dragons. Yes, we've very big nerds.

This also means that our customer base, a large percentage of which are also our close friends, are single men. We occasionally get some of the guys from the local university. Normally this means that I'm spared from pregnant women and kids, for which I am very thankful.

This evening, while registering for our regular Friday night tournament, one of the university students walks in after a year-long or so absence, followed by his wife/girlfriend, carrying their very young daughter. They sit down at one of the tables and get comfortable, so apparently they plan to stay the duration of the evening. They're no older than 20. I was upset, but holding it together. That is, until, the guy comments that she's pregnant with their 2nd. I had to get up and walk out of my shop. I didn't want these people to see my cry.

JP followed me and calmed me down, a process that also involved some homemade ice cream from the coffee shop across the street. Now I'm doing my best to ignore the sounds of the playing baby, and refusing to look in their direction.

I hate you IF, I hate you so much.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Holy cow!

Holy cow I have comments! Woohoo! Thank you so much everyone that stopped by and left me a note! It really means a lot!

This coming weekend is my weekend to work, so I'm off today and tomorrow. I went and had lunch with JP, and now I'm relaxing and browsing around ICLW blogs. What a great concept!

Tonight I'm cooking dinner for a few of our friends. Nothing fancy, just a larger quantity of my stock tuna steaks, veggies, and wild rice meal. A lot of our friends are single men with no idea how to properly care for themselves, so every once in a while they need a healthy meal. Afterward I plan on coaxing them all in to joining us on our nightly walk.

I finally heard something from the sleep study people. I got a letter from the Neurologist's office, telling me that I had an appointment the following Monday at 8:30 am, to fill out the enclosed paperwork, and bring a list of my medications. Um, what? I didn't know that I would even need to go and talk to the doctor, AND you scheduled an appointment for me without calling me and asking? I have to work on Monday, and while I could probably have taken the morning off, I also have appointments on Tuesday and Wednesday, so it would have been overkill. I called them to let them know that I wasn't going to be able to make it, and was informed that the next available appointment isn't until May. Wonderful. I have to wait another month and a half to hear the results of this stupid thing. Oh well.

As far as the other appointments, Tuesday is my exercise study. I think the purpose is to gauge how efficiently I burn calories. Could be kinda cool. Wednesday is the next routine at the Weight Loss center. I likely won't learn anything new or useful, but the insurance requires it, so off I go.

Thanks again to everyone that has stopped by! I hope some of you will be repeat visitors!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

My First ICLW!

Welcome ICLWers!

I've only recently started blogging, though I've been a lurker for several months. My history isn't terribly long. We ditched the birth control over 3 years ago, and had our first RE visit in June of 2010. After fairly normal test results and a PCOS diagnosis, we had three IUIs that failed. I felt as if I was spinning my wheels trying to get pregnant while carrying around all of this extra weight that was obviously impeding my natural body functions, so I approached my RE with the idea of weight loss surgery.

Currently I'm about 3 or 4 months from surgery, and documenting the steps of this process. I'm hoping to provide some insight, down the road, for other women that are curious about fertility after weight loss surgery.

Thanks for stopping by!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Sleep Study

I had my sleep study done last Thursday, 3/10. I was to arrive at the Sleep Center (which is at our local hospital) at 9:30 pm, showered, unmoisturized, and with a few comforts from home. JP came with me to tuck me in and help me get settled, as I was somewhat nervous.

I was shown to my room (a typical hospital room, but with a queen-sized bed) by an older man with a disquieting resemblance to George Carlin, where I was told to get in to my pjs, get comfortable, and crack the door when I was ready.

Once ready, George came back in and had me sit in a chair on the left side of the bed. He attached 25 wires to my head and body, and a tube in my nose. The ones that went on my head were attached using this adhesive foam that ended up being a nightmare to get out. Then, with my ponytail of wires, I was escorted to the right side of the bed, where the wires were hung from a hook on the wall at my head, and I was to try to get comfortable wearing all that garbage, and fall asleep. JP left, and the lights went out.

At first, I fell asleep ok. After about an hour, I woke up again, miserably uncomfortable. After tossing and turning and several heavy sighs over the course of a couple of hours, George knocked and asked if could come in and help me rearrange the tangled wires so I could maybe get comfortable again. It helped a little.

He woke me up at 6:30 to let me go home. I only got about 4 hours of disturbed sleep. He told me that I did show some signs of apnea, but that I would hear back from the doctor soon with his results.

As of a week and a half day later, I haven't heard anything more. I desperately hope that I don't have to go back and do it again.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


I guess I jinxed myself with my last post.

Sometimes I really hate the person that infertility has made me.

One of my childhood best friends is pregnant. She announced it on Facebook today. As much as I want to be happy for her, I'm too consumed with sadness for myself.

She's the 4th one in the last few weeks, so I've "hidden" the pregnant women from my news feed so that I don't have to see status updates about pregnancy and babies. I'm full of self-loathing for doing it, but it just hurts too much.

On another note, my 4th appointment at the weight loss center is tomorrow, so I'll try to update again in the next few days.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Brief Thought

I just wanted to take a brief moment to verbalize something I just thought of.

I read a small handful of IF blogs. Most of the brave women who share their stories are unfortunate enough to be surrounded by pregnant women, mothers with babies, etc.

I am very lucky, as far as things like that go. I work with women who are all in their late 50's and early 60's, or middle-aged men. My friends are mostly unmarried men without girlfriends (JP and I are gamers, the tabletop kind), and a few women who are in very similar positions to my own.

I am thankful for this small bit of non-excitement.

Friday, March 4, 2011

My 3rd Appointment

Wednesday I went for my 3rd appointment at the Center. First I weighed in with the nurse, and found out that I've lost a total of 11 pounds. Then we (JP was with me) met with the doctor, who examined me and went over my test results. This was one of the most embarassing experiences of my adult life. An old man looking and prodding in places that I wouldn't even want my husband examining up close... ew. I learned that he considers me to be diabetic, even though my levels are below diagnostic levels, they're close enough for him, apparently. I'm also vitamin D deficient, and have high cholesterol. Yippee. The good news is that once I've lost more weight, these issues should disappear. He concluded that I am an excellent candidate for the surgery, which should be sometime in July.

Next we met with the social worker where we went over all of my homework. We talked a lot about my support system, my family, etc. I am very lucky to have such a wonderful and supportive family and husband.

The appointment concluding with setting up my next several appointments. I also have to go for a sleep study, an endoscopy, and an exercise evaluation. I'm not looking forward to the first two things. I've never been sedated before, so the endoscopy will be my first time. Scary!

I guess we're officially go!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


One of my assignments that the social workers gave me was to do a Genogram. Basically, a family tree that lists the genetic diseases or issues that my family members have had, going back to my great grandparents.

I've been putting this one off. I'm not really sure why. It might be because I don't like being reminded how far away I live from my family. It might be because it reminds me how distant most of my paternal side is, in the non-geographical meaning. It might be because I feel guilty that I don't remember all of the first names of my great-grandparents. It might just be because I have no artistic ability, and they want it to be big and colorful. It might be because I don't want to have to call my father, who didn't call me on my birthday, and still hasn't called in the following 3 days. Maybe it's all of these reasons.

I made out a rough draft, and now I feel sad.