It has been four days since I last pumped. I've been mildly uncomfortable, but nothing I can't handle. Not once have I leaked, including the entirety of the last 12 weeks. Until last night... ruining "adult time". I shot a stream of milk a good foot out in front of me. There was a consistent dribble for the next few minutes. We had a good laugh, but the mood was over after that!
Nothing is too sacred anymore :-P
Friday, May 17, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Updates in Bullets
* I started back to work on Tuesday. I cried all the way here, and periodically throughout the day. Yesterday and today have been better, but still hard.
* Yesterday I let my manager know that I'm moving as soon as I can find a job near JP's new job. She took it pretty well. They may let/want me to go ahead and move and work remotely for a couple of months. That would be awesome.
* I haven't packed a single thing.
* We're heading up to look at apartments and houses this weekend, and I have a job interview on Monday. It's just part-time, but that may be exactly what I want, if we can budget in a way that I can afford to do it.
* My baby hit 12 weeks old yesterday. Where the heck does the time go?!
* In honor of the 12-week milestone (ok, it's really just so we don't have to travel with as much stuff), we took the bassinet piece out of the pack n play, and Betty spent her first night in the middle level. She did really well. It's so hard for ME to make those stupid little changes, because I hate physically acknowledging how fast she's growing up.
* I hate being away from my girl for so many hours a day!
* We had a quiet Mother's Day. I'm having a hard time feeling like I deserve to be celebrated. Especially when my sister is now going through her own battle with infertility, and I have several people close to me that have lost their mothers in recent memory. It's hard to be joyous when others are sad.
* I stopped pumping 3 days ago. I'm having some guilt about this, but I was to the point where I was only getting about 3 ounces in 24 hours. I didn't want to have to deal with the stress of going back to work, trying to pump at work, moving, etc. Luckily, Betty does really well with the formula. I've been pumping exclusively since she was 3 weeks old or so, after she started refusing to breastfeed. Maybe at some point I'll write a post about my breastfeeding, pumping, and supplementing experiences, but right now there's just too much guilt associated with it all. I'll get over it.
* Yesterday I let my manager know that I'm moving as soon as I can find a job near JP's new job. She took it pretty well. They may let/want me to go ahead and move and work remotely for a couple of months. That would be awesome.
* I haven't packed a single thing.
* We're heading up to look at apartments and houses this weekend, and I have a job interview on Monday. It's just part-time, but that may be exactly what I want, if we can budget in a way that I can afford to do it.
* My baby hit 12 weeks old yesterday. Where the heck does the time go?!
* In honor of the 12-week milestone (ok, it's really just so we don't have to travel with as much stuff), we took the bassinet piece out of the pack n play, and Betty spent her first night in the middle level. She did really well. It's so hard for ME to make those stupid little changes, because I hate physically acknowledging how fast she's growing up.
* I hate being away from my girl for so many hours a day!
* We had a quiet Mother's Day. I'm having a hard time feeling like I deserve to be celebrated. Especially when my sister is now going through her own battle with infertility, and I have several people close to me that have lost their mothers in recent memory. It's hard to be joyous when others are sad.
* I stopped pumping 3 days ago. I'm having some guilt about this, but I was to the point where I was only getting about 3 ounces in 24 hours. I didn't want to have to deal with the stress of going back to work, trying to pump at work, moving, etc. Luckily, Betty does really well with the formula. I've been pumping exclusively since she was 3 weeks old or so, after she started refusing to breastfeed. Maybe at some point I'll write a post about my breastfeeding, pumping, and supplementing experiences, but right now there's just too much guilt associated with it all. I'll get over it.
"When the going gets tough, the tough call Grandma". We don't care if it's a boys onesie!
What I came home to, after my first day back to work.
Rocking her swaddlepod and new sleeping spot. Sorry it's such a dark picture!
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Ch ch ch changes + Photo Dump
Whoo boy. This having a baby thing changes so many things, but the expected and unexpected! You expect to be exhausted, frazzled, and completely smitten. You expect to have much less sex, and time for yourself. What I didn't expect, was exactly how much I'd want to be nearer to my family. This is going to be a little scattered, I hope you'll forgive me and be able to follow along.
When I fell in love with my husband, I moved in to his house, 3 hours away from where I was living at the time, and 5 hours away from most of my immediate family. He has lived in this town his entire life. His mother has lived in this town for all but 2 years of her life. After Betty was born, it started to become really evident how little family support we have here. We decided, after much deliberation, that we would make it a goal to move to my home town within a year. We want our daughter to grow up seeing her Nana, grandpa, and her aunts and uncles, more than just every few months. We also want to spend as much time with my 83 year old grandmother as we can, who is madly in love with Betty. There are several other good reasons that I won't get in to just now.
A few weeks ago, I shared with my mother that this was a possibility. Just a couple of days later, she heard of a job opening in her school corporation in JP's field. JP has always wanted to work in an educational setting, so he went ahead and submitted his resume, not expecting much, as there was an internal employee also putting in for it. Fast forward to last Tuesday, which found us in my home town for an interview. Yesterday, they called and offered him the job, which he accepted. He starts on June 10th.
Holy sh*tballs, ladies. I'm moving across the state in a month. Well, if I can find a job, that is. I may have to stay here until I find one. So much to do, so much to decide. My head starts spinning every time I start to think about it. JP's mother is going to move in with us as soon as her lease is up in September. There's nothing to keep her here once we're gone. So much to do...
Anyway, I'm going to close out with some of my favorite pictures from the last month or so.
When I fell in love with my husband, I moved in to his house, 3 hours away from where I was living at the time, and 5 hours away from most of my immediate family. He has lived in this town his entire life. His mother has lived in this town for all but 2 years of her life. After Betty was born, it started to become really evident how little family support we have here. We decided, after much deliberation, that we would make it a goal to move to my home town within a year. We want our daughter to grow up seeing her Nana, grandpa, and her aunts and uncles, more than just every few months. We also want to spend as much time with my 83 year old grandmother as we can, who is madly in love with Betty. There are several other good reasons that I won't get in to just now.
A few weeks ago, I shared with my mother that this was a possibility. Just a couple of days later, she heard of a job opening in her school corporation in JP's field. JP has always wanted to work in an educational setting, so he went ahead and submitted his resume, not expecting much, as there was an internal employee also putting in for it. Fast forward to last Tuesday, which found us in my home town for an interview. Yesterday, they called and offered him the job, which he accepted. He starts on June 10th.
Holy sh*tballs, ladies. I'm moving across the state in a month. Well, if I can find a job, that is. I may have to stay here until I find one. So much to do, so much to decide. My head starts spinning every time I start to think about it. JP's mother is going to move in with us as soon as her lease is up in September. There's nothing to keep her here once we're gone. So much to do...
Anyway, I'm going to close out with some of my favorite pictures from the last month or so.
I don't remember exactly when this was, but she's so cute in just a diaper!
Rocking some tights that are still too big!
"Hmm... Daddy is asleep, what can I get away with?!"
Nana loves to dress Betty up in cute outfits.
My baby picture! Did you know I had a twin?
Trying on Daddy's hat... and hating it.
Having a chat with her great grandma!
Family shot
<3
Her first 0/3 outfit
At our 2 month check-up
Loved this onesie!
She loves her GG!
Puppy time!
Finally caught a good smile on camera!
Daddy was reading The Tales of Beedle the Bard. I LOVE this picture!
Saturday, May 4, 2013
We're Still Alive
I'm really sorry I've been so bad about posting. I often have the urge to do a photo dump and quick update, but there is a sense of guilt associated with that, and I stop myself. I even have a lot of non-baby topics I want to get off my chest, I just haven't done it. I'm going to try to be better, very soon.
For now, I just want to share my present Saturday morning reality. I'm sitting here, in the bed, attached to my breast pump, husband and dogs curled up beside me, and the love of my life is half asleep in her pack n play bassinet about 6 feet away, letting off impressive toots (gas) every couple of minutes. It's been 10.5 weeks since she entered our world, and I still marvel at the fact that she's really here, and really mine.
This morning my wish for all of you out there still waiting for your miracle, is to also, very soon, know this completely bizarre, and all-encompassingly beautiful and wonderful reality.
More soon, I promise!
For now, I just want to share my present Saturday morning reality. I'm sitting here, in the bed, attached to my breast pump, husband and dogs curled up beside me, and the love of my life is half asleep in her pack n play bassinet about 6 feet away, letting off impressive toots (gas) every couple of minutes. It's been 10.5 weeks since she entered our world, and I still marvel at the fact that she's really here, and really mine.
This morning my wish for all of you out there still waiting for your miracle, is to also, very soon, know this completely bizarre, and all-encompassingly beautiful and wonderful reality.
More soon, I promise!
Friday, March 29, 2013
Nerdy Girl Nursery
While we're not 100% finished, we're enough finished that I'm ready to share some photos of Betty's nursery.
This is basically your view as you walk in the door. The room is huge, it's the largest bedroom in our house, so my mom and I decided that the crib totally worked just sitting in the middle of the room, so there it is! The decals on the wall are hard to explain, but the orange one on the right is custom art, drawn just for me and Betty, by the artist of the other two characters. The decals are each 4 feet tall.
Please forgive how horrible the lighting is. It's hard to get good shots in a room with three windows that each face a different direction.
This is the bulk of her growing stuffy collection. Don't worry, she's not sleeping in the crib yet, and they'll all come out when she does. The blanket was made by one of JP's coworkers.
A shot of the mobile. I kind of made it myself, in that the stuffies came from elsewhere, and I attached them to the mobile after removing what was already there.
Her changing table with some pretties that her Nana bought for her.
A closer shot of the crib.
Nana painted the dresser (which was mine, growing up) and made the blocks that are sitting on top of it. She forgot to bring the handles during her last visit, so they'll go on in a couple of days when she comes back again.
I love how the closet door turned out.
This is just and end table that I picked up at a thrift store, likewise with the lamp. I bought the Cabbage Patch on a whim a few years ago, as they were a big deal when I was a kid, and I couldn't resit. Ignore the junk on the left side, it's mostly the box for the baby monitor.
A closer shot of two of the decals
This was a dresser that we just had laying around, unused. Nana painted it the nursery colors, and I think it turned out really well! On top are more of the stuffy collection.
I really love the windows and the valances. The valances were the inspiration for almost everything else in the room, especially the color choices. My rocking recliner is eventually going to go where the stroller is, but it's residing in my bedroom for the time being.
My collection of Beatrix Potter figures are going to go on one of the remaining empty walls, on some cute shelves that have been painted to patch the various colors. I'll be sure to post pictures of that once they're up!
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Betty Jean's Birth Story
It has taken me almost 5 weeks to get this down, but I'd better do it while I still remember. It already feels like a blur.
We all know that I didn't get a chance to go in to labor naturally. We were scheduled to go in to the hospital on 2/19 at 6 pm, so to the hospital we went. We were taking to a labor and delivery room, where I was instructed to get undressed and get settled into the (extremely uncomfortable) L&D bed. At around 7 or 7:30, my OB came and inserted the Cervidil. They refer to it as a "balloon", but it's really just a long, wide string with a slightly wider bit at the end, where I assume the medicine resides. They hooked me up to the contraction and heart rate monitors, as well as a blood pressure cuff, and told me to get some rest/sleep. Yeah, right.
I don't remember exactly when the contractions started, but it wasn't too long after. They were never regular, even as the morning approached. I'd have one per minute for 15 minutes, and then none for 45 minutes. Between the contractions, the monitors, the horribly, horribly uncomfortable bed, I didn't get a single wink of sleep. I spent the next 12 hours flipping channels on the TV and trying to zone out and ignore all of the discomfort I was in. JP, however, was able to fall sound asleep on the couch. He was sour at me, later, for letting him sleep while I sat there awake all night. But, honestly, one of us may as well have gotten some rest!
The nurse came in and checked on me fairly regularly. In fact, I'm going to pause the story here for a second and compliment every single medical professional that I dealt with over the course of my stay. They were all AMAZING and wonderful. From the nurses to the CNAs to the doctors and anesthesiologists. Every single one of them was outstanding.
They had asked me, early on, if I wanted to go ahead and plan on having an epidural in the morning. At that point, I was still laboring under the delusion that I might be able to tolerate all of the discomfort without drugs. I at least wanted to see what it was going to feel like before I decided. By 7 am, they had started the Pitocin, and I was ready to be numb from the waist down. I went ahead asked for the epidural. The anesthesiologist was busy with a schedule cesarean at 7 am, but would be by afterward. At around 8:30, he was there. He was amazing. He was very gentle, and explained every little thing that he was doing. Despite everyone claiming that the local anesthetic was the worst part, I barely felt it. The worst part for me was trying to hold the position, bent over to open up the spinal column, but I think that's just because I'm rather short, and I HATED THAT BED. The relief was almost instantaneous. If you has asked me at that moment, I would have proclaimed an epidural as the best invention ever.
Very shortly afterward, the OB was back again and broke my water. After all that time, I had only dilated to 2.5 cm. All of that fluid escaping me while being numb from the epidural was a rather bizarre feeling. At this point my OB also noticed that there was some meconium in the fluid. By itself, not something to be terribly concerned about, I was told.
Over the next 3 hours or so, I napped a little, I visited with my mother-in-law a little, I talked on the phone to my mother, who was en-route, I watched some more TV, and tried to relax. Then my baby's heart rate started to elevate. They put me in various different positions to see if that would calm her down. Left side, right side, sitting up, they also tried putting me on oxygen. Nothing seemed to help. I overheard a serious-sounding phone call with the OB on-call and my nurse.
By Noon-ish, the on-call OB was there, proclaiming that it was time to get the baby out. Between her elevated heart rate and the meconium in the fluid, it was better to be safe that sorry. Everything happened so fast at this point. I had started to be very scared by the time they were putting the oxygen mask on my face, by this point I was completely terrified, not for myself, but for my little girl. My mother had not yet arrived, even though she was very close. By 12:05 or so, I was in the operating room, having my epidural re-dosed, being reassured by the on-call OB, my OB, and waiting for JP to be instructed by the on-call pediatrician and putting on scrubs. I have never been so terrified in my entire life. I relaxed a little once JP was seated by my head. His presence made all the difference in the world.
I felt a lot of pressure, a lot of tugging, but no pain. At 12:21 pm, on 2/20, my daughter entered the world. very shortly after that moment, I heard her cry for the first time. I burst in to tears. It was the sweetest sound I have ever heard. She weighed 5 pounds, 2 ounces, was 19 inches long, and absolutely perfect and healthy. After they checked her and wiped her off, they brought her over to me so I could see her and give her a kiss. So beautiful. I then had an hour's worth of being closed up, so JP went out with Betty Jean, and I promptly fell to sleep, confidant that everything was finally going to be ok.
I woke as they were wheeling me in to the recovery room. My mom had arrived just in time to see Betty being wheeled out of the operating room and in to the nursery. JP, my mom, my mother-in-law, and my baby girl were all waiting for me in the recovery room. She was immediately handed to me for skin-to-skin and to try to nurse, which she did almost immediately (if only the rest of our breastfeeding experiences had been that easy!).
We had one (kind of) scare that evening, as her blood sugar came back kind of low, so they gave her a little bit of formula via a syringe. Otherwise, she seemed like she was going to be a champion nurser, even though it was pretty painful for me from the start, as she did as much chewing as she did suckling, even from the first go. I let the nurses have her for a few stretches during the overnight hours, so JP and I could get some sleep without the first-time-parent stressing over whether or not she was ok. I figured I may as well take advantage of that while I could.
After 2 more days of a few visitors, lots of phone calls, and some FaceTime with a couple of family members, we finally got to head home on Friday (2/22) evening around 7 pm. Her weight had dropped to 4 lbs, 14 ounces, which was normal. At that point began what was probably the toughest week of my life, but that is best left for another post.
We all know that I didn't get a chance to go in to labor naturally. We were scheduled to go in to the hospital on 2/19 at 6 pm, so to the hospital we went. We were taking to a labor and delivery room, where I was instructed to get undressed and get settled into the (extremely uncomfortable) L&D bed. At around 7 or 7:30, my OB came and inserted the Cervidil. They refer to it as a "balloon", but it's really just a long, wide string with a slightly wider bit at the end, where I assume the medicine resides. They hooked me up to the contraction and heart rate monitors, as well as a blood pressure cuff, and told me to get some rest/sleep. Yeah, right.
I don't remember exactly when the contractions started, but it wasn't too long after. They were never regular, even as the morning approached. I'd have one per minute for 15 minutes, and then none for 45 minutes. Between the contractions, the monitors, the horribly, horribly uncomfortable bed, I didn't get a single wink of sleep. I spent the next 12 hours flipping channels on the TV and trying to zone out and ignore all of the discomfort I was in. JP, however, was able to fall sound asleep on the couch. He was sour at me, later, for letting him sleep while I sat there awake all night. But, honestly, one of us may as well have gotten some rest!
The nurse came in and checked on me fairly regularly. In fact, I'm going to pause the story here for a second and compliment every single medical professional that I dealt with over the course of my stay. They were all AMAZING and wonderful. From the nurses to the CNAs to the doctors and anesthesiologists. Every single one of them was outstanding.
They had asked me, early on, if I wanted to go ahead and plan on having an epidural in the morning. At that point, I was still laboring under the delusion that I might be able to tolerate all of the discomfort without drugs. I at least wanted to see what it was going to feel like before I decided. By 7 am, they had started the Pitocin, and I was ready to be numb from the waist down. I went ahead asked for the epidural. The anesthesiologist was busy with a schedule cesarean at 7 am, but would be by afterward. At around 8:30, he was there. He was amazing. He was very gentle, and explained every little thing that he was doing. Despite everyone claiming that the local anesthetic was the worst part, I barely felt it. The worst part for me was trying to hold the position, bent over to open up the spinal column, but I think that's just because I'm rather short, and I HATED THAT BED. The relief was almost instantaneous. If you has asked me at that moment, I would have proclaimed an epidural as the best invention ever.
Very shortly afterward, the OB was back again and broke my water. After all that time, I had only dilated to 2.5 cm. All of that fluid escaping me while being numb from the epidural was a rather bizarre feeling. At this point my OB also noticed that there was some meconium in the fluid. By itself, not something to be terribly concerned about, I was told.
Over the next 3 hours or so, I napped a little, I visited with my mother-in-law a little, I talked on the phone to my mother, who was en-route, I watched some more TV, and tried to relax. Then my baby's heart rate started to elevate. They put me in various different positions to see if that would calm her down. Left side, right side, sitting up, they also tried putting me on oxygen. Nothing seemed to help. I overheard a serious-sounding phone call with the OB on-call and my nurse.
By Noon-ish, the on-call OB was there, proclaiming that it was time to get the baby out. Between her elevated heart rate and the meconium in the fluid, it was better to be safe that sorry. Everything happened so fast at this point. I had started to be very scared by the time they were putting the oxygen mask on my face, by this point I was completely terrified, not for myself, but for my little girl. My mother had not yet arrived, even though she was very close. By 12:05 or so, I was in the operating room, having my epidural re-dosed, being reassured by the on-call OB, my OB, and waiting for JP to be instructed by the on-call pediatrician and putting on scrubs. I have never been so terrified in my entire life. I relaxed a little once JP was seated by my head. His presence made all the difference in the world.
I felt a lot of pressure, a lot of tugging, but no pain. At 12:21 pm, on 2/20, my daughter entered the world. very shortly after that moment, I heard her cry for the first time. I burst in to tears. It was the sweetest sound I have ever heard. She weighed 5 pounds, 2 ounces, was 19 inches long, and absolutely perfect and healthy. After they checked her and wiped her off, they brought her over to me so I could see her and give her a kiss. So beautiful. I then had an hour's worth of being closed up, so JP went out with Betty Jean, and I promptly fell to sleep, confidant that everything was finally going to be ok.
I woke as they were wheeling me in to the recovery room. My mom had arrived just in time to see Betty being wheeled out of the operating room and in to the nursery. JP, my mom, my mother-in-law, and my baby girl were all waiting for me in the recovery room. She was immediately handed to me for skin-to-skin and to try to nurse, which she did almost immediately (if only the rest of our breastfeeding experiences had been that easy!).
We had one (kind of) scare that evening, as her blood sugar came back kind of low, so they gave her a little bit of formula via a syringe. Otherwise, she seemed like she was going to be a champion nurser, even though it was pretty painful for me from the start, as she did as much chewing as she did suckling, even from the first go. I let the nurses have her for a few stretches during the overnight hours, so JP and I could get some sleep without the first-time-parent stressing over whether or not she was ok. I figured I may as well take advantage of that while I could.
After 2 more days of a few visitors, lots of phone calls, and some FaceTime with a couple of family members, we finally got to head home on Friday (2/22) evening around 7 pm. Her weight had dropped to 4 lbs, 14 ounces, which was normal. At that point began what was probably the toughest week of my life, but that is best left for another post.
I almost look as terrified as I felt.
On her way to see Mommy for the first time.
The very best moment of my life.
Words cannot express how much I love this picture. The grandmas getting their first glimpse of Betty Jean. You can tell that their breath was just taken away.
She had been crying until Daddy reached in. She grabbed his finger and stopped crying instantly. I wish I had been able to see this in person.
My other favorite picture. Best Daddy in the world.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Wow
My baby is up to 7 lbs and half an ounce! I just can't believe it. The doctor says she looks and sounds perfect.
We're still battling a little thrush, which I need to remain vigilant about putting her medicine on. The gassiness should eventually get better on its own.
Unrelated, but amusing. After a 3 am feeding, I got back in to bed only to discover that one of the dogs had crawled under my pillow, inside of the pillow case. I couldn't do much other than laugh my butt off!
We're still battling a little thrush, which I need to remain vigilant about putting her medicine on. The gassiness should eventually get better on its own.
Unrelated, but amusing. After a 3 am feeding, I got back in to bed only to discover that one of the dogs had crawled under my pillow, inside of the pillow case. I couldn't do much other than laugh my butt off!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)