Monday, June 30, 2014

6 weeks, 1 day

I had my first ultrasound on Friday.  Going by the first day of my last period, I should have been 7 weeks.  Baby Pistachio measured 6 weeks, 1 day, and had a heart-rate of 110 beats per minute.  Since my cycle runs between 30 and 33 days, I'm trying my best to not be overly concerned.  She put me on an oral progesterone, just in case.  I go back to the OB and for another ultrasound in 5 weeks.

The checking of the TP at every potty visit is getting old.  But I can't stop.  I FEEL more pregnant this time than I did before I miscarried, if that makes any sense.  My boobs are super sore, I'm EXHAUSTED all the time, and I've got smell-related nausea.  It feels like it did when I was pregnant with Betty.  It's reassuring.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Here We Go Again

Let commence 25 or so weeks of always checking the toilet paper after I go to the bathroom.  Think good, placenta-attaching thoughts for me!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Better Late Than Never

Now that she's nearly 15 months, I'll share some of her shots from her 1st birthday photo shoot.

Betty is perfect.  She’s been walking for several months, to the point where she’s nearly running now.  She’s been sleeping through the night again for a couple of months.  She’ll repeat words, kinda, occasionally, but she’s not exactly talking.  She’s begun having mini-tantrums when she wants something she can’t or shouldn’t have.  She gets in to anything and everything that she can reach.  No drawer, cabinet, or trash can is safe.  Every day she looks less like a baby, and more like a little girl.  She is absolutely the light of my life.

I’m still suffering from post-miscarriage depression.  It’s been 2 months and 12 days since my visit to the ER.  I have moments where I forget that I’m not pregnant anymore, and I grieve all over again.  I thought I wanted to try again right away, but I find myself terrified of the possibility of going through this again.  I have actually felt some relief when my period shows up, knowing that some stresses won’t be starting just yet.  I feel like the fog might be starting to clear, though.

I hope I haven’t lost all of my readers.  I miss you ladies.  I’m checking in when I can, usually via cell phone, so I don’t usually comment.  I’m going to try to do better.

Monday, March 3, 2014


My body didn't want to wait until morning.  

I started having contractions on Sunday at about 3 pm.  They came every 2 to 5 minutes, for the rest of the day.  At 11:30 pm, my water broke.  About 45 minutes later, I started gushing blood.  JP drove me to the ER, arriving at about 1am.  Once registered, I was fairly quickly hooked up to an IV, had blood taken for testing, and given pain killers.

At 2 am, while the doctor was examining me, I passed (with assistance) my poor, so tiny baby, and other tissue.

Now I lay here in the uncomfortable hospital bed, waiting for the bleeding to slow, so we can go home.  The ER doctor feels the D&C is no longer necessary.

This sucks so much.  I feel so very empty.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

No Words

On Monday (2/24), I started spotting/light bleeding.

On Friday (2/28), an ultrasound showed that our baby's heart stopped at about 11 weeks.

I go in for a D&C bright and early on Monday morning.

"Devastated" doesn't quite cover how we're feeling.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

"Survivor's Guilt"

156 beats per minute, and still one of the most beautiful sounds in the world.  Little Bean is measuring 8w4d, which is about a week behind where I thought we should be.  I'm trying not to worry, though.

My sister is still struggling to get her cycle in line, let alone get pregnant.  I feel so guilty, even though I know she would be upset if she knew I felt that way.  Sigh.

Betty is doing spectacular.  She'll be walking anytime now, and her 1st birthday is less than 3 weeks away.  Goodness time flies!  I miss keeping up with you ladies.  So much.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Geez, I'm A Bad Blogger

I promise to TRY to get back to paying attention to this space very soon.  I'll need the support as we begin the journey of TTC #2.

In the meantime, my girl is 8.5 months old, and smart as a whip.  She's crawling, pulling up and standing as long as she has something to hang on to, saying "mama" and "dada", and so much more.  I don't know where the time goes.  She is the light and the love of my life.  More soon, I promise!