Thursday, December 20, 2012

Unexpected Distancing

I'm not an in-your-face pregnant person.  Even if I hadn't been through what I've been through trying to get pregnant, it's just not the kind of person that I am.  I don't give unsolicited updates to people.  Yes, I share on facebook... to a customized group of people that consists mostly of immediate family who don't live nearby.  I would think I wouldn't scare people away so easily, given that.

A lot of my life, a significant portion of my closest friends have been male.  Even most of my BEST friends over the last several years.  One such best friend, whom I met through my husband, lived with us for a time while he was struggling financially and putting himself through school.  He's my age, 32.  When he couldn't find a job after graduation, he enlisted in the army.  He's been gone for about 2 years, now.  It never stopped him from texting and calling often, and spending a good deal of time with us during his 2 leaves a year.  He was home last when I discovered I was pregnant, and was the first (and only, for a while) non-family member that we told.  I've heard from him significantly less, since then.  He never asks me how I'm doing, or how the pregnancy is going.  I know that it's painful for him to be single and away from all of his family and friends, and that he's miserable in the army.  I'm sure that jealousy plays a part, as does just the male tendency to not think to inquire about certain things.  It hurts me, though.  Now I just found out that we won't be able to see him, save for in passing, while he's home for Christmas.  He's been in town since Monday, and we haven't heard from him until today.  He expected we'd be available on Saturday (and didn't ask until a few minutes ago), and planned to come by.  We'll be with my family in the opposite end of the state.

I've mentioned before that my twin sister, who lives several states away, is moving home with her fiance when her lease is up in the spring.  She always knew she'd want to come home when one or both of her sisters started a family.  I couldn't be more thrilled about this.

When my younger sister (single and not tied down by anything specific) visited over the weekend, she told me that she's moving to the west coast, which is even further away, hopefully after my baby is born, but possibly before.  I didn't let on how upset that makes me.  I understand that people need to live their lives, and I don't really expect anyone to stay nearby just for me and my daughter.  But really... deep down, I would hope that she would WANT to.  I can't help but, in my recently increasing again hormonal state, think that maybe it's BECAUSE she doesn't want to be around for this.  Maybe she thinks my mother will be too much to handle.  Maybe it's for reasons I can't think of.  All I know is that I'm so upset that I burst in to tears every time I think about it.

I hate being such a frigging downer lately.  Please don't think that I'm not grateful for the things that ARE going right, because I very much am, I'm just having a hard time pushing those things to the surface, lately.  Six days til my next growth scan...  I hope with all of my being that we get some good news.  I'd even settle for some decent news.

Hugs to you all!


  1. I'm going through the same thing right now with one of my friends and it sucks. Just because a new little person is coming into our lives doesn't mean we're ok with losing others from our lives. Pregnancy can be wonderful and joyous, but it can also be scary and full of worries. It's hard to lose part of your support network at a time like this.

    Hugs back to you.

  2. I am sorry you about the upsetting news about your friend and sister's plans.I hope you will get better updates from them, soon. (((HUGS))) to you, too!

  3. I can't imagine living a great distance from my sister, mostly because I can't imagine being so far away from my niece and nephews! While that is awesome your twin is moving closer, I'm sorry for you that your other sister is moving farther away.

  4. My parents went on a trip to England for two weeks a week after my son was born. I was sad and my husband was pissed off about it. And that was just a trip, not a move. I get it.

  5. Hugs to you! I started reading your blog. My two sisters live further away, and don't even really ask about my infertility treatments. So I can relate to you. Take care of yourself.