30 Weeks, and I Stink at This

I'm rubbish at blogging these days.  I hope that someday I look back and don't beat myself up for not chronicling like I wish I could.

This pregnancy has been "normal", compared to Betty's.  Not that anything is ever normal after you've struggled with infertility and then loss.  I had my anatomy scan, a follow-up anatomy scan, and those will be my last ultrasounds.  No weekly growth checks, no NSTs... it's surreal.

I've had some FANTASTIC news in the last couple of weeks.  My twin sister got her BFP!  Her first ultrasound is scheduled for next Friday, the 19th, and I get to go with!  I'm SO EXCITED!  She's due 7/23.

I'm technically 30 weeks and 2 days, but it's close enough for the stats.

* Belly - I look as pregnant as a feel, which is fairly significantly.

* Weight gain - I'm up about 16 lbs.

* Symptoms - I'm exhausted, achey, and sore ALL of the time.  Especially my hips and lower back.

* Cravings/Aversions -  Milk.  A cold glass of milk.  I haven't drank milk since I was a small child.  My body must know that Wil needs the calcium right now.

* Clothes - I can wear any of my normal tops that are fairly long.  I can still squeeze in to my elastic-waist work pants, but I prefer full-panel maternity pants.  So comfy.

* Movement - I've reached the stage where I can recognize his waking and sleeping patterns.  He's a strong little guy!  Occasionally his kicks are very uncomfortable, but I still love every one.

* Feelings on gender - We're having a boy!

* Meds - My hormone levels have been good, so the endocrinologist is keeping me on 40 mg hydrocortisone split up three times a day.  My A1C came back normal, and thus far my blood sugars have been normal.

* Mood - Fatigue makes a little quiet and occasionally grouchy.

* What I miss - Walking up and down stairs without pain.

* Appointments - My next OB appointment is 12/29.  I'm going to physical therapy for the first time this coming Wednesday, as the suggestion of my OB.  I'm really hoping it brings some relief.  My endocrinologist decided that my lab results have been consistently good enough that he doesn't need to see me again until after I deliver.  Such a change from the endo I had when I was pregnant with Betty.  I'm perfectly happy not having labs drawn every 3 weeks!

* Medical concerns - CAH and managing hormone levels.  I passed my 1-hour glucose test with flying colors!  Woohoo!

* Coming up - My sis is throwing me a shower in January.  I was a little hesitant to have one, given this is my 2nd child, but circumstances are so different.  I live in a different part of the state that I did with Betty, and I'm having a boy instead of another girl, so I DO actually need things.  It still feels a little weird.  I'm excited, though.

Welcome October ICLWers!

Hello ICLWers!

It's been ages since I've done one of these.  My blogging has really been lax since my sunshine baby was born 20 months ago.  I'm hoping that a new audience will kick-start my motivation to chronicle what's going on in my life.

I'm Jamie, I'm 34 years old, married to JP  for just under 4 years (but together for 8).  I am 3 1/2 years post-op, roux-en-y (RNY) gastric bypass surgery; there's a link above if you're interested in reading more about it.  I suffer from Non-Classic Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (NCAH), which effects my fertility very similarly to PCOS.  Untreated it causes elevated testosterone levels, insulin resistance, anovulation, etc.   Despite these hurdles, I have a beautiful daughter (with whom I went through IUGR and placenta previa), and am 22 weeks along in my 3rd pregnancy, and if all goes well, we'll have a son in February!  I miscarried my 2nd pregnancy at 13 weeks in March of this year.  Testing revealed a genetically normal baby, so I really have no idea what happened.  As far too many people know, a loss really effects any subsequent pregnancies.  Feel free to poke around the few posts that are here.  If you have any questions for me, please feel free to ask!  I look forward to visiting all of your homes on the web.

20/21 Weeks, and Anatomy Scan

So, I've been really terrible about updating.  Getting to a computer with a toddler is nearly impossible.  In fact, she's presently standing in the chair next to me, making a mess of some of her daddy's stuff, and watching an episode of Dora on my smartphone, which she found and played all by herself.  My current job also doesn't allow for much personal computer time.  Admittedly, I'm also at a constant level of fear I could still lose this baby.  

Technically I hit 20 weeks on Thursday.  Half way there!  Yesterday was my anatomy scan, which went splendidly.  WE'RE HAVING A BOY!  Much more importantly, though, is that he looks great.  He's measuring 3 days ahead, and looks like he's going to be LONG.  He was moving and wiggling up a storm, so they want to do another scan at my next appt in 4 weeks, to see if they can get a better shot of his heart.  No cause to be concerned though.

We already had a name picked out.  He'll be William Edward, named for a life-long friend of JP's, who passed away a couple of years ago.  It means a lot to both of us.

Here are the 20/21 week stats.  If you're in a bad place, please feel free to skip this.

* Belly - My family can tell that I'm showing.  There was still one person left at work that didn't know I was pregnant until yesterday, so I guess that also says something.

* Weight gain - I'm finally gaining, I'm up about 5 lbs.

* Symptoms - Tiredness has abated somewhat.  I've been having a lot of round ligament pain, constipated more often than not, and my boobs have gotten pretty sore again.  I'm already lactating when my nipples are squeezed.  I apparently also have no sense of TMI.  I think that comes with parenting.

* Cravings/Aversions -  Bacon and eggs, and anything spicy!  This is such a change from my first pregnancy, where all I wanted was sweets.

* Clothes - I finally hemmed my new (and gently used) maternity pants, but I haven't worn them yet.  I'm also still making do with normal tops that are slightly longer than normal tops.  I'm going to be in trouble as I get further along.  Plus-size maternity clothes are not as easy to come by as XLs were.

* Movement - I'm constantly surprised by how much movement I feel.  I think the placenta being in a different place than with Betty is really making a big difference.  I love feeling him move, it's the very best part of pregnancy.  I get a little sad when I think that this is likely the last time I'll feel a baby move inside of me.

* Feelings on gender - We're having a boy!

* Meds - My hormone levels have been good, so the endocrinologist is keeping me on 40 mg hydrocortisone split up three times a day.  My A1C came back normal, and thus far my blood sugars have been normal.

* Mood - I feel generally fantastic.  I still cry at the drop of a hat, but nearly always at happy things.

* What I miss - Not a thing.

* Appointments - My next OB appointment (with ultrasound) is 11/3.  Next endocrinologist on 11/25.

* Medical concerns - CAH and managing hormone levels.  Finding a healthy balance of weight gain.

* Coming up - Life and everything that comes with it!

Here's your dose of Betty for this week, as well as a little bonus from our gender reveal photo shoot, that ended up being a complete disaster:

Helloooooo 2nd trimester!

My visit with the endocrinologist on Wednesday went fine.  I don't respond as well to the hydrocortisone as well as the dexamethasone, which is normal.  As a result, my testosterone and and 17 hydroxyprogesterone were a bit above normal.  He adjusted my dosage and the times of day that I take it, and we redo labs in 3 weeks.  He is also apparently concerned about my blood sugars, and wants me to start testing it twice a day.  I can't really think of any reason why, other than that I'm 40 lbs heavier than I was when I got pregnant the last time, and most of his patients are diabetic, so maybe it's in the forefront of his mind.  I'll play along, I'm sure it's for the best.  The next round of labs is probably also adding AIC and whatnot.

Betty's 18 month well-baby checkup is in an hour.  It'll also serve as a follow-up for her middle ear infection she had a week and a half ago (during which she spiked a 102.6 fever, yikes!).  I'm anxious to see how much she's grown.

Here are the 14 week stats.  If you're in a bad place, please feel free to skip this.

* Belly - I can tell I'm showing, but I doubt anyone else can... unless I throw on a maternity shirt, like I did today.  The cute ones that gather at the sides would make a flat-stomached woman look pregnant.

* Weight gain - I'm actually down about 2 lbs, though I have no idea why.

* Symptoms - I.  Am.  EXHAUSTED.  Breasts are sore and I'm in the potty even frequently.  Occasional constipation.

* Cravings/Aversions -  I STILL really want some Indian food!  I also had a mad craving for a breakfast Subway sandwich the other day... which I sated.

* Clothes - My work pants are starting to feel a little snug.  I splurged and bought a lot of gently used maternity clothes off of a facebook garage sale site.  I'll need to hem the pants, as I'm freakishly short, but they should last me the duration.

* Movement - I felt the baby do a flip on Wednesday evening.  There's no way it could have been anything else!

* Feelings on gender - My brother-in-law says "girl", and he's never been wrong.  We'll see!

* Meds - The endocrinologist switched me from 30 mg of hydrocortisone split up twice a day, to 40 mg split up three times a day.

* Mood - Still occasionally emotional.  I'm also starting to feel a little more confident, which scares me if I think about it too hard.

* What I miss - Sleeping through the night.  I can't seem to get comfortable, and just as I do...  It's time to get up and potty.

* Appointments - My next OB appointment is 9/9.  Next endocrinologist on 9/25.

* Medical concerns - CAH and managing hormone levels.  Finding a healthy balance of weight gain.

* Coming up - The weekend!  Woohoo!

Here's your dose of Betty for this week:

13 Weeks

It's time to start writing more about this pregnancy.  I want this baby to have the same things to look back at as his/her sister.

I'm going to use the same set of bullets as I did with Betty.  If you're in a bad place, please feel free to skip this.

* Belly - I can tell I'm showing, but I doubt anyone else can.

* Weight gain - I haven't started keeping track yet.

* Symptoms - I.  Am.  EXHAUSTED.  Breasts are sore and I'm in the potty frequently.

* Cravings/Aversions -  I really want some Indian food!

* Clothes - I never stopped wearing maternity jeans after my miscarriage.  They're just so comfy!  All of my other pants and tops still fit.

* Movement - Sometimes I swear I feel flutters, but I know it's not possible just yet. 

* Feelings on gender - No idea!

* Meds - I've been to my new allergist, who switched me to meds safer for pregnancy.  I see my endocrinologist on Wednesday.

* Mood - I'm only a little more emotional. Betty has an ear infection, and it's been REALLY hard seeing her in pain.

* What I miss - Sleeping through the night, and caffeine, by extension.

* Appointments - My next OB appointment is 9/9.

* Medical concerns - I'm trying not to worry about much, yet.  I don't know if IUGR will be an issue again, or not.

* Coming up - Betty will be 18 months on the 20th!  She's getting so big!

Milestone Passed

11 weeks is when my last baby stopped growing.  Passing that point in this pregnancy, and with my next ultrasound scheduled for 11 weeks and 4 days, I was very anxious for a few days.

I'm happy to report that Pistachio is still going strong.  S/he was measuring 4 days ahead, and had a beautiful heart rate of 159 beats per minute.

I'm still taking everything one day at a time, but passing this point is a big deal.  I have 3 more days on progesterone and then I'm done.  I'm trying not to drive myself crazy wondering if being off of it will cause any problems.  There was never anything to suggest that my progesterone was low, but it's reassuring being on it, all the same.

I've decided to go ahead and start weekly bump pictures, and maybe even weekly posts like I did with Betty.  I want this baby to have the same things to look back at as Betty does.  Jinxes be damned.

6 weeks, 1 day

I had my first ultrasound on Friday.  Going by the first day of my last period, I should have been 7 weeks.  Baby Pistachio measured 6 weeks, 1 day, and had a heart-rate of 110 beats per minute.  Since my cycle runs between 30 and 33 days, I'm trying my best to not be overly concerned.  She put me on an oral progesterone, just in case.  I go back to the OB and for another ultrasound in 5 weeks.

The checking of the TP at every potty visit is getting old.  But I can't stop.  I FEEL more pregnant this time than I did before I miscarried, if that makes any sense.  My boobs are super sore, I'm EXHAUSTED all the time, and I've got smell-related nausea.  It feels like it did when I was pregnant with Betty.  It's reassuring.

Here We Go Again

Let commence 25 or so weeks of always checking the toilet paper after I go to the bathroom.  Think good, placenta-attaching thoughts for me!

Better Late Than Never

Now that she's nearly 15 months, I'll share some of her shots from her 1st birthday photo shoot.

Betty is perfect.  She’s been walking for several months, to the point where she’s nearly running now.  She’s been sleeping through the night again for a couple of months.  She’ll repeat words, kinda, occasionally, but she’s not exactly talking.  She’s begun having mini-tantrums when she wants something she can’t or shouldn’t have.  She gets in to anything and everything that she can reach.  No drawer, cabinet, or trash can is safe.  Every day she looks less like a baby, and more like a little girl.  She is absolutely the light of my life.

I’m still suffering from post-miscarriage depression.  It’s been 2 months and 12 days since my visit to the ER.  I have moments where I forget that I’m not pregnant anymore, and I grieve all over again.  I thought I wanted to try again right away, but I find myself terrified of the possibility of going through this again.  I have actually felt some relief when my period shows up, knowing that some stresses won’t be starting just yet.  I feel like the fog might be starting to clear, though.

I hope I haven’t lost all of my readers.  I miss you ladies.  I’m checking in when I can, usually via cell phone, so I don’t usually comment.  I’m going to try to do better.

Blah

My body didn't want to wait until morning.  

I started having contractions on Sunday at about 3 pm.  They came every 2 to 5 minutes, for the rest of the day.  At 11:30 pm, my water broke.  About 45 minutes later, I started gushing blood.  JP drove me to the ER, arriving at about 1am.  Once registered, I was fairly quickly hooked up to an IV, had blood taken for testing, and given pain killers.

At 2 am, while the doctor was examining me, I passed (with assistance) my poor, so tiny baby, and other tissue.

Now I lay here in the uncomfortable hospital bed, waiting for the bleeding to slow, so we can go home.  The ER doctor feels the D&C is no longer necessary.

This sucks so much.  I feel so very empty.

No Words

On Monday (2/24), I started spotting/light bleeding.

On Friday (2/28), an ultrasound showed that our baby's heart stopped at about 11 weeks.

I go in for a D&C bright and early on Monday morning.

"Devastated" doesn't quite cover how we're feeling.

"Survivor's Guilt"

156 beats per minute, and still one of the most beautiful sounds in the world.  Little Bean is measuring 8w4d, which is about a week behind where I thought we should be.  I'm trying not to worry, though.

My sister is still struggling to get her cycle in line, let alone get pregnant.  I feel so guilty, even though I know she would be upset if she knew I felt that way.  Sigh.

Betty is doing spectacular.  She'll be walking anytime now, and her 1st birthday is less than 3 weeks away.  Goodness time flies!  I miss keeping up with you ladies.  So much.