Monday, July 16, 2012

How Do I Break the News to an Infertile Friend?

A month or so ago, I made plans to go visit a friend in her new city, about 4 hours away.  Her company closed down, but they offered her a position at another branch, so she took it.

She and her husband have been trying to get pregnant, unsuccessfully, for at least two years.  I made these plans before I found out I'm pregnant.  I haven't told her.  The weekend in question occurs right after my first OB appointment.  The way I see it, I have a couple of options:

1.  Go, hide the news, have a good time, and tell her later.  This will make me feel rather guilty, and may drive me batty coming off the heels of a hopefully exciting, heartbeat-hearing ultrasound.

2.  Tell her now (though via what means?  what do I say?), and let her decide if she's up for the visit.  This makes my heart hurt, but it's probably the most fair.

I am not sure what to do, and I am not sure what to say.  Does anyone have any insight or advice for me?


  1. Definately tell her now. You don't want to spend the whole time feeling like you are holding something back, nor would you want to unexpectedly tell her in person, when she won't have time to prepare herself.

    It won't be easy, but it will be the easiest for her.

  2. Option 2. You will feel better in the end, no matter how she responds.

  3. As someone who struggled while her friends had surprise pregnancies, I would rather have been told in person. Being told over the phone or in an email seems less personal, especially if she's a really good friend. My bff lives 300 miles away and was forced to tell me over the phone because of distance. I hated hearing from mean people they were pregnant, but when it was someone I loved, it stung a little, but in the end I knew how much they wanted to be parents and was over the moon happy for them.

    It's a tough spot to be in, but know if she is your good friend she'll be happy for you. Just know she's dying a little in side too.

    Best of luck!