Hello ICLWers! Long time no see! I haven't participated in quite a while. Mostly because, for a long time, I haven't had anything interesting to say.
I'm 32 years old, my husband, JP, is 37. We were, not trying, but not avoiding, since we first met 6 years ago. We started actively trying (and jumping straight in to the RE), about 2 1/2 years ago. We went through three IUIs before I decided that, at 314 lbs and no cycles for over 5 years, I was just spinning my wheels. I asked my RE to refer me to a bariatric program, which he was happy to do.
In February of of 2011 I started the program, and lost about 60 lbs before my roux-en-y gastric bypass surgery on July 20th of the same year. I have since lost another 85 lbs. My cycle re-appeared about 6 months ago. Most people can start trying to conceive again either 12 or 18 months after surgery. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will be cleared to start trying at my 12-month follow-up on July 25th (omg that's so soon!). I am very nervous, very excited, but mostly just scared to death of all of the new ways that I may learn that my body can still fail me.
If you want to know more about me, feel free check out the previous few posts, where I mention my congenital hormonal condition, and other various tidbits.
I look forward to reading your comments and checking out your blogs! I'll hope you'll stick around and join me in the next phase of my journey!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Insert Random Self-Insult Here
Bullet points seem like a good idea, so here goes:
* In the process of quitting my job, due to no raise in 2 years, though travel costs rising, I was offered a better paying position, which I accepted. Through June, however, I am responsible for both positions. I am working 7-days a week, and about to bash my head in to a sharp wall.
* I'm down 145 pounds, but they're coming off a lot slower. It happens.
* I am one month and 7 days from being 12 months post-op, with hopefully the go ahead to actively start TTC again. I am scared to death.
* I went ahead and went off the pill, because I decided that the sooner I know whether or not I will cycle on my own, the better. I am not sure if is wise, but it makes me feel more in control.
* I started going to counseling a few weeks ago, as my anxiety levels have been through the roof. While it was presented as ultimately my decision, they advised against meds, as I intend to start ttc before they would determine the dose I need to be effective. Bummer.
* After 2 months on dex.ametha.sone, my hormone levels have evened out, and are in the normal ranges. My endocrinologist also sees no evidence of PCOS. She thinks I should have no/little trouble conceiving, and wants me to give it 6 months before going back to the RE. Holy %$^%.
* In the process of quitting my job, due to no raise in 2 years, though travel costs rising, I was offered a better paying position, which I accepted. Through June, however, I am responsible for both positions. I am working 7-days a week, and about to bash my head in to a sharp wall.
* I'm down 145 pounds, but they're coming off a lot slower. It happens.
* I am one month and 7 days from being 12 months post-op, with hopefully the go ahead to actively start TTC again. I am scared to death.
* I went ahead and went off the pill, because I decided that the sooner I know whether or not I will cycle on my own, the better. I am not sure if is wise, but it makes me feel more in control.
* I started going to counseling a few weeks ago, as my anxiety levels have been through the roof. While it was presented as ultimately my decision, they advised against meds, as I intend to start ttc before they would determine the dose I need to be effective. Bummer.
* After 2 months on dex.ametha.sone, my hormone levels have evened out, and are in the normal ranges. My endocrinologist also sees no evidence of PCOS. She thinks I should have no/little trouble conceiving, and wants me to give it 6 months before going back to the RE. Holy %$^%.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
I'm So Foolish
My period is 6 days late. Late for the first time since I started getting it again. The rational part of my brain knew that it was probably because of the new meds, or because I've been sick, or because I'm on antibiotics, or any combination of those things. The irrational part of me can't stop crying after a negative pregnancy test result.
I hate myself. I hate my body.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Sigh
Even though I have PCOS, glandular problems, and an on birth control, I still mourn a little when I get my period. Seems unhealthy.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
The Waiting Game
Well, my appointment with the adult endocrinologist has been completed, the blood was drawn, and the test results are back. My CAH diagnosis was confirmed (which, I knew it would be), and I have been prescribed dex.ameth.asone. I'm on a very small dose, .25 mg. This should even out my hormone levels, and possibly make it possible for me to ovulate on my own, eventually. We'll see. I'm ready to dive back in to this thing already. I may head straight back to the RE in July, and forget about trying on our own.
Friday evening we had a male teenage (if he's 18, he's not any older than that) customer play in one of our tournaments while his 2-month old daughter sat in her carrier at his feet. The mother abandoned her, and he's raising her by himself. I would assume he still lives with his parents, but really don't know. I held her for a while. Yeah, I'm a masochist, apparently. Ouch.
Another of my friends confided her pregnancy to me over the weekend. She's 22, and her ex-boyfriend hasn't spoken to her since the doctor confirmed the pregnancy, despite daily attempts to get him to do so, if for no other reason that his family medical history. What an effing mess. I cried most of the day. Once I got over myself, I went to spend some time with her, because she needs a friend right now. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still a little depressed over the whole thing.
I guess now I just play the waiting game until the 12 month post-op mark. In the meantime, I've been a little rebellions. I've gotten 3 piercings and a new tattoo. Whoopie.
Friday evening we had a male teenage (if he's 18, he's not any older than that) customer play in one of our tournaments while his 2-month old daughter sat in her carrier at his feet. The mother abandoned her, and he's raising her by himself. I would assume he still lives with his parents, but really don't know. I held her for a while. Yeah, I'm a masochist, apparently. Ouch.
Another of my friends confided her pregnancy to me over the weekend. She's 22, and her ex-boyfriend hasn't spoken to her since the doctor confirmed the pregnancy, despite daily attempts to get him to do so, if for no other reason that his family medical history. What an effing mess. I cried most of the day. Once I got over myself, I went to spend some time with her, because she needs a friend right now. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still a little depressed over the whole thing.
I guess now I just play the waiting game until the 12 month post-op mark. In the meantime, I've been a little rebellions. I've gotten 3 piercings and a new tattoo. Whoopie.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
I Have Been A Bad, Bad Blogger
I know, you probably thought I'd died. I promise that I haven't. I'm not sure where to start, so this might be kind of jumbled.
The Perinatologist appointment went ok. I was prepared to be sitting in a waiting room full of pregnant women. What I was not prepared for was for one of them to be 16, and waiting for her gender reveal ultrasound, with her entire extended family, taking bets on what it would be, and discussing names. I wanted to bash my head into the wall. It was a small waiting room, so I had no where to go to escape it.
When discussing the upcoming appointment with my mother and younger sister, my sis inquired as to whether or not my genetic hormonal condition had come in to play with any of my doctors yet. I have a confession to make. I have no told any of my doctors for quite some time that I have this condition. I have been in complete denial about it. I took all of my symptoms, and blamed them away on something else, mostly my weight. I was so scared that it would mean that everything was completely out of reach, and would be so much harder. The truth is, they can all be explained by this condition, INCLUDING my weight problems, but they're treatable!
*Deep breath*
I have a mild case of Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH). If you go.ogle it you're not likely to find the set of symptoms that fit exactly how it plagues me. What it means is that I am cortisol deficient, and I went in to puberty at approximately 8 years of age. For most of my life, I was on pred.nisone pills (a steroid), and even, when I was young, Lup.ron shots to prevent the premature aging that was happening in my body. There's a lot more to it, but I won't go in to any more detail unless requested.
I gathered all my courage, and I mentioned this to the Perinatologist and his genetics lady. They informed me that the cortisol deficiency may be what was preventing me from conceiving, and referred me to an Adult Endocrinologist. My appointment is set for March 7th. I am extremely nervous, but excited at the same time. I'm likely to be put back on the pred.nisone, which terrifies me. I give it the most credit for my weight gain and difficulty losing weight, and I'm scared that it will make me pack the pounds back on.
As far as the blood clot family history, there's not a lot that they can do without knowing specifically which factor effects my sister. They didn't seem terribly concerned. I will, though, always be considered high risk, because I've had gastric bypass surgery. Enough time has passed that I confess I'm a little fuzzy on the other details of the appointment.
On the weight loss front, I've lost another 10 lbs, and the loss has really slowed. This happens to everyone, at some point. I have, however, graduated in to normal clothes sizes! I'm wearing an XL top! I've had my 6 month follow-up appointment, which went really well. I am no longer Vitamin D deficient, and my blood sugar and AIC levels are out of the diabetes danger area, and well in to normal. I'm doing wonderfully!
Sunday is the 3rd anniversary of my 29th birthday. Sigh.
Thanks for putting up with me, and I hope you'll leave me some more comments! I'll do my best to update after my AE appointment.
The Perinatologist appointment went ok. I was prepared to be sitting in a waiting room full of pregnant women. What I was not prepared for was for one of them to be 16, and waiting for her gender reveal ultrasound, with her entire extended family, taking bets on what it would be, and discussing names. I wanted to bash my head into the wall. It was a small waiting room, so I had no where to go to escape it.
When discussing the upcoming appointment with my mother and younger sister, my sis inquired as to whether or not my genetic hormonal condition had come in to play with any of my doctors yet. I have a confession to make. I have no told any of my doctors for quite some time that I have this condition. I have been in complete denial about it. I took all of my symptoms, and blamed them away on something else, mostly my weight. I was so scared that it would mean that everything was completely out of reach, and would be so much harder. The truth is, they can all be explained by this condition, INCLUDING my weight problems, but they're treatable!
*Deep breath*
I have a mild case of Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH). If you go.ogle it you're not likely to find the set of symptoms that fit exactly how it plagues me. What it means is that I am cortisol deficient, and I went in to puberty at approximately 8 years of age. For most of my life, I was on pred.nisone pills (a steroid), and even, when I was young, Lup.ron shots to prevent the premature aging that was happening in my body. There's a lot more to it, but I won't go in to any more detail unless requested.
I gathered all my courage, and I mentioned this to the Perinatologist and his genetics lady. They informed me that the cortisol deficiency may be what was preventing me from conceiving, and referred me to an Adult Endocrinologist. My appointment is set for March 7th. I am extremely nervous, but excited at the same time. I'm likely to be put back on the pred.nisone, which terrifies me. I give it the most credit for my weight gain and difficulty losing weight, and I'm scared that it will make me pack the pounds back on.
As far as the blood clot family history, there's not a lot that they can do without knowing specifically which factor effects my sister. They didn't seem terribly concerned. I will, though, always be considered high risk, because I've had gastric bypass surgery. Enough time has passed that I confess I'm a little fuzzy on the other details of the appointment.
On the weight loss front, I've lost another 10 lbs, and the loss has really slowed. This happens to everyone, at some point. I have, however, graduated in to normal clothes sizes! I'm wearing an XL top! I've had my 6 month follow-up appointment, which went really well. I am no longer Vitamin D deficient, and my blood sugar and AIC levels are out of the diabetes danger area, and well in to normal. I'm doing wonderfully!
Sunday is the 3rd anniversary of my 29th birthday. Sigh.
Thanks for putting up with me, and I hope you'll leave me some more comments! I'll do my best to update after my AE appointment.
Friday, December 9, 2011
I Feel Like A Fraud
I suppose I have a little bit of catching up to do.
On 11/18 I had my annual visit to the Gynecologist, though it had been closer to 18 months since I'd been. It was before I started seeing the RE, and then the Bariatric Center, and well before surgery.
My Gynecologist (Dr. H) is as awesome. She's thorough, easy to talk to, and very nice. We talked about my surgery, the fact that I still hadn't had a period, etc. She inquired about birth control, mentioning that fertility can come on suddenly after a lot of weight loss. I told her that I had discussed it with the Bariatric doctor and my family, and we decided that the higher risk of blood clots wasn't worth it. She disagreed, and we discussed the mini pill (which is progesterone only), which she eventually prescribed for me, and I am now taking. I'm not thrilled about it, obviously, but it really is what's best for me, as getting enough nutrition to support a pregnancy (however unlikely it would be) would definitely be a problem for me only 5 months post-op, and so on.
We had also discussed a round of Prov.era to see if we could induce a period, but decided against it in favor of getting me on birth control right away. Lo and behold, on the day of my 7th bc pill, my period started. I am not positive that the two things are related, as normally it would be triggered when progesterone drops off, rather than being increased, but it seems like too much of a coincidence.
During the blood clot risk discussion, Dr. H inquired about my family history. I told her that my younger sister, after having surgery to remove scar tissue from her ankle, developed a blood clot in the calf of her other leg. At the time, I wasn't sure of the cause. I have since spoken with my sister, who recalls that they did run some tests on her, and found out that she does have some sort of genetic predisposition to developing clots. This is, of course, a concern for me as well. Dr. H suggested that she refer me to a Perinatologist, so that I could perhaps get a work-up before the time comes to start trying to get pregnant. If we can knock out as many hurdles as we can before we start really trying, the better it will be. I hope.
My appointment is set for 12/28. I'm not really sure what to expect. I'm going to feel weird going to see a high risk pregnancy doctor without a pregnancy. I find that throughout this whole process, a lot of things make me feel like a fraud. Being in a 1x top makes me feel like a fraud. Browsing in the normal people section of a clothing store makes me feel like a fraud. Taking birth control pills makes me feel like a fraud. And now, going to a Perinatologist REALLY makes me feel like a fraud.
I would really appreciate some thoughts and comments on this one, even if it's just to say that you don't have anything to really add.
On 11/18 I had my annual visit to the Gynecologist, though it had been closer to 18 months since I'd been. It was before I started seeing the RE, and then the Bariatric Center, and well before surgery.
My Gynecologist (Dr. H) is as awesome. She's thorough, easy to talk to, and very nice. We talked about my surgery, the fact that I still hadn't had a period, etc. She inquired about birth control, mentioning that fertility can come on suddenly after a lot of weight loss. I told her that I had discussed it with the Bariatric doctor and my family, and we decided that the higher risk of blood clots wasn't worth it. She disagreed, and we discussed the mini pill (which is progesterone only), which she eventually prescribed for me, and I am now taking. I'm not thrilled about it, obviously, but it really is what's best for me, as getting enough nutrition to support a pregnancy (however unlikely it would be) would definitely be a problem for me only 5 months post-op, and so on.
We had also discussed a round of Prov.era to see if we could induce a period, but decided against it in favor of getting me on birth control right away. Lo and behold, on the day of my 7th bc pill, my period started. I am not positive that the two things are related, as normally it would be triggered when progesterone drops off, rather than being increased, but it seems like too much of a coincidence.
During the blood clot risk discussion, Dr. H inquired about my family history. I told her that my younger sister, after having surgery to remove scar tissue from her ankle, developed a blood clot in the calf of her other leg. At the time, I wasn't sure of the cause. I have since spoken with my sister, who recalls that they did run some tests on her, and found out that she does have some sort of genetic predisposition to developing clots. This is, of course, a concern for me as well. Dr. H suggested that she refer me to a Perinatologist, so that I could perhaps get a work-up before the time comes to start trying to get pregnant. If we can knock out as many hurdles as we can before we start really trying, the better it will be. I hope.
My appointment is set for 12/28. I'm not really sure what to expect. I'm going to feel weird going to see a high risk pregnancy doctor without a pregnancy. I find that throughout this whole process, a lot of things make me feel like a fraud. Being in a 1x top makes me feel like a fraud. Browsing in the normal people section of a clothing store makes me feel like a fraud. Taking birth control pills makes me feel like a fraud. And now, going to a Perinatologist REALLY makes me feel like a fraud.
I would really appreciate some thoughts and comments on this one, even if it's just to say that you don't have anything to really add.
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