Friday, December 9, 2011

I Feel Like A Fraud

I suppose I have a little bit of catching up to do.

On 11/18 I had my annual visit to the Gynecologist, though it had been closer to 18 months since I'd been.  It was before I started seeing the RE, and then the Bariatric Center, and well before surgery.

My Gynecologist (Dr. H) is as awesome.  She's thorough, easy to talk to, and very nice.  We talked about my surgery, the fact that I still hadn't had a period, etc.  She inquired about birth control, mentioning that fertility can come on suddenly after a lot of weight loss.  I told her that I had discussed it with the Bariatric doctor and my family, and we decided that the higher risk of blood clots wasn't worth it.  She disagreed, and we discussed the mini pill (which is progesterone only), which she eventually prescribed for me, and I am now taking.  I'm not thrilled about it, obviously, but it really is what's best for me, as getting enough nutrition to support a pregnancy (however unlikely it would be) would definitely be a problem for me only 5 months post-op, and so on.

We had also discussed a round of Prov.era to see if we could induce a period, but decided against it in favor of getting me on birth control right away.  Lo and behold, on the day of my 7th bc pill, my period started.  I am not positive that the two things are related, as normally it would be triggered when progesterone drops off, rather than being increased, but it seems like too much of a coincidence.

During the blood clot risk discussion, Dr. H inquired about my family history.  I told her that my younger sister, after having surgery to remove scar tissue from her ankle, developed a blood clot in the calf of her other leg.  At the time, I wasn't sure of the cause.  I have since spoken with my sister, who recalls that they did run some tests on her, and found out that she does have some sort of genetic predisposition to developing clots.  This is, of course, a concern for me as well.  Dr. H suggested that she refer me to a Perinatologist, so that I could perhaps get a work-up before the time comes to start trying to get pregnant.  If we can knock out as many hurdles as we can before we start really trying, the better it will be.  I hope.

My appointment is set for 12/28.  I'm not really sure what to expect.  I'm going to feel weird going to see a high risk pregnancy doctor without a pregnancy.  I find that throughout this whole process, a lot of things make me feel like a fraud.  Being in a 1x top makes me feel like a fraud.  Browsing in the normal people section of a clothing store makes me feel like a fraud.  Taking birth control pills makes me feel like a fraud.  And now, going to a Perinatologist REALLY makes me feel like a fraud.

I would really appreciate some thoughts and comments on this one, even if it's just to say that you don't have anything to really add.


  1. I understand your feelings.

    Several years ago I lost a lot of weight (about 100 pounds total). It took a long time for my perception of my body to catch up with my new reality. And in some ways I still haven't caught up. I'm still clinging to some of my "fat" clothes, though I don't know why.

    Strangely enough, I was referred to a perinatologist when I first looked into fertility treatments because there is no RE in my city and he's the only doctor here who does IUIs. It definitely is a strange feeling to be the only non-pregnant woman in a waiting room full of very, very pregnant women who are comparing notes with each other on their pregnancies. But you are NOT a fraud. You're just going through a lot of change at the moment and it will take time to process all of it. Be patient and kind with yourself. :)

  2. P.S. I've nominated you for a blog award.

  3. Thank you so much for your sweet words, and for the nomination!