22 Weeks

The end of the month has come around again.  This means a very busy week at work for yours truly, and I really hate it!  Happy Halloween, in any case!

Here are the weekly stuffs, feel free to skip right on by!

* Belly - Very nearly sticking out farther than my boobs.

* Weight gain - I'm up 15 lbs, as of my last OB appt.  I'm glad that I'm able to gain weight, I just wish that I wasn't at the high end of normal by this point.

* Symptoms - Oh the back pain!  My body may, one of these days, settle on a stable weight and not be constantly shifting my center of balance.  Still having interrupted sleep, though I think I'm adjusting to it.

* Cravings/Aversions -  Sweets, sweets, and more sweets.  Though I'm also starting to react even more poorly to sugar.  I've cut way down and am trying to find a variety of substitutes.  Fiber bars and fruit, mostly.  A good cup of decaf with sugar-free flavored syrup is excellent in this weather, too.

* Clothes - No change, I'm completely on maternity pants or regular pants and a Bella Band.  The first of my regular tops are starting to not be long enough over this belly, but most still fit.

* Movement - I think I'm noticing the beginnings of patterns in her active and sleepy periods, but I'm not quite sure yet.  JP has been able to feel her move twice now.  So wonderful!

* Feelings on gender - We're still having a girl!

* Meds - Morning:  Regular multivitamin, 2000 ui Vitamin D, Clari.ten 10 mg, 1600 mcg Folic Acid, 2 puffs of Symbi.cort (new change from Advair).  Mid-day:  600 iu Calcium x2.  Evening:  Prenatal, 800 mcg Folic Acid, Rhino.cort (new change from Flonase), Symbi.cort, 450 mg DHA, 40 mg Hydrocortisone.  New:  My last blood test showed that my hormone levels were a little high, so my endocrinologist raised my Hydrocortisone dose from 30 mg to 40 mg.

* Mood - I have a little bit more of a temper these days, and stress seems to induce anger.

* Appointments - My next MFM appointment (with US and cervix/placenta) is next Monday, Nov. 5th.

* Medical concerns - Nutrition/calories, vitamin levels, CAH, Placenta Previa (sigh).

* Nursery progress - My crib and changing table arrived!  They're still sitting in the boxes, and we've made virtually no progress cleaning out her room, but we'll get there eventually.

* Coming up - Looking forward to the next ultrasound

A Nightmare

Upon returning to bed after one of my middle-of-the-night potty visits, I must have twisted awkwardly, because I triggered a ligament pain.  I was able to fall back to sleep fairly quickly, but I then dreamed that the pain I was feeling, was early labor, and I was losing my baby.

I've had a few more benign vivid dreams over the last month or two, but this one caused me to wake up crying and sweating.  I could definitely live without it.

21 Weeks

In honor of my 2nd wedding anniversary and reaching 21 weeks in my pregnancy, I am putting on a brave face and sharing a couple of pictures.

Here I am, on my wedding day, in all of my pre-weight-loss glory.  Isn't JP adorable?!  He's lost about 50 pounds since then, too.  Yes, that is a Slytherin house tie, and Chuck Taylor shoes!

And here I am today, in all of my post-shower, wet-haired glory.  Please ignore the hideous wallpaper.  It is coming down very soon.

I still have a ways to go, once I'm done building a baby, before I reach my goal weight.  I still think that I have a lot to be proud of and thankful for!

Anxiety

I am trying really hard to let go of anxiety, and enjoy each day, each moment, of my pregnancy.  For the most part, I am succeeding.  But not always...

Though today is my anniversary, we celebrated on Sunday.  Due to work and meetings, it will be 8 pm before we even see each other this evening.  We drove to a nearby bigger city, had lunch at the restaurant where JP proposed, worked on our registry and Babies R Us, and did a little various shopping.

I set foot in Babies R Us, and by the time we got back to the registry deck, I was on the verge of a panic attack.  What was I doing here?  I don't belong here.  I don't have any right to be doing a registry!  My heart was pounding and I started to cry.  JP did his best to reassure me, and as we started walking through the store with the little scanner gun, I relaxed a little bit.  Then the increasingly daunting realization of how many things a baby needs, and my complete lack of knowledge kicked in and I tensed right back up.  In the end, I'm much more comfortable adding things via the website, than I was there in person.

I threw a little more caution to the wind and ordered a crib and changing table yesterday.  I felt a lot of anxiety, again, as I placed the order.  A big part of me feels like I have no business doing that kind of thing, like I'm kidding myself or something.  Another part is so excited, and can't wait til they get here!  They should arrive on Thursday, if the tracking is telling me the truth.

At least this is all fodder for my next therapy session.

October ICLW

Hello folks visiting from ICLW!  I took a three day weekend, and the 21st just passed right on by and I didn't realize it.  I am so sorry everyone!

I know some folks will see the pregnancy ticker and just keep right on going to the next on the list.  I don't blame you, I truly don't.  I used to do the same thing.  Know that in my heart of hearts, I wish that you'll be following very close behind me!

I'm Jamie, I'm 32 years old, married to JP  for EXACTLY 2 years today (but together for 6), as it's my wedding anniversary today!  I am 14 months post-op, roux-en-y (RNY) gastric bypass surgery.  Since beginning my weight-loss journey, I have lost 146 pounds.  I suffer from Non-Classic Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH), which effects my fertility very similarly to PCOS.  Untreated it causes elevated testosterone levels, insulin resistance, anovulation, etc.   Despite these hurdles, I am (nearly) 21 weeks pregnant with my first child, a little girl!  More of my IF history, and more details about RNY can be found in the tabs toward the top of the page.  If you have any questions for me, please feel free to ask!

Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment!  I look forward to stopping by your home on the web when I get back from my trip!

Halfway There

I feel guilty that the 15th went by uncommemorated by my blog.  I personally have no experienced a loss, but I experience it through the words of so many of the blogs that I follow, and I always wish there was some way that I could lend more support.  I'm always thinking of you ladies and your angel babies, and sending my love.

Today marks 20 weeks pregnant for yours truly.  I'm going to skip the weekly post and instead just take a deep breath and honor a point in my life that I never imagined I would be able to get to.  Each week that passes qualifies under that, I suppose, but this seems monumental to me for some reason.  I still have a ways to go, I know.  I have so much love for this little girl growing inside of me.

I hesitate when people ask about her name.  I'm not really sure why, because I love the choice that we've made, and am so proud of it and where it comes from.  Maybe I feel like saying it aloud will jinx it somehow.  I exhibit a lot of that behavior.  I wouldn't give away my tampons, I can't delete the cycle tracking app off of my phone or clear the memory on it, even though I'm running out of space.  I feel loony just saying those kinds of things.

Her name is Betty Jean.  My mother's first name is Betty, as well as her mother's (my mammaw) sister.  My mammaw's middle name is Jean, and is actually the name she uses day to day.  I've always loved old-fashioned names, and these women are inexpressibly important and special to me, so it seems only right.

Only 20 more weeks to go, baby Betty!  I can't wait to meet you!

Leaving My Job? And 19 Weeks

I have almost completely decided to leave this job after maternity leave.  I asked HR if there were any consequences if I decided not to come back, and here is what they told me:

"What I have found out is if you do not return to work for reasons other than a serious health condition for yourself or a family member, the company may require you to reimburse the total costs associated with the leave.  Which means they could request the portion that [my employer] pays for your insurance to be reimbursed to them for your leave period.  Any STD (short-term disability) that was paid out, would need to be reimbursed to the company as well.   Basically they would go back to the last day you worked prior to the leave and use that as your term date.  

If you were to come back let’s say for a week, none of the above would apply.

Let me know if you need any additional information."

So, I guess the plan is to take my 12 weeks, come back for a week or two, and then get the heck out of dodge.  The only question is, when do I give notice?  Is there a possibility that they'll ask me to NOT come back for that week if I'm just going to leave again?  What to do?! If anyone has any advice or insight, I would appreciate it!

Here are the weekly stuffs, feel free to skip right on by!

* Belly - Definitely popping out now, and starting to look very round.  I've got some skin just hanging there looking gross at the bottom of my "gut".  I really hate it, and can't enjoy looking at myself uncovered.

* Weight gain - They didn't put me on the scales at my last appointment, so I'm not sure.

* Symptoms - Have I mentioned that I'm so tired!  I'm also noticing a lot more round ligament pain this week.

* Cravings/Aversions -  Sweets and Chinese food, still.  Especially strawberry pop tarts, which then make me feel super yucky!  I can't seem to resist, though.

* Clothes - No change, I'm completely on maternity pants or regular pants and a Bella Band.  My regular tops are still fitting ok.

* Movement - I am definitely feeling her move more often!  It is the most amazing thing in the world!

* Feelings on gender - We're having a girl!  It still feels so surreal to be referring to my baby as "her", "she", and "my daughter"!  <3

* Meds - Morning:  Regular multivitamin, 2000 ui Vitamin D, Clari.ten 10 mg, 1600 mcg Folic Acid, 2 puffs of Symbi.cort (new change from Advair).  Mid-day:  600 iu Calcium x2.  Evening:  Prenatal, 800 mcg Folic Acid, Rhino.cort (new change from Flonase), Symbi.cort, 450 mg DHA, 30 mg Hydrocortisone.  New:  I had one-dose Difl.ucan to clear up a yeast infection.

* Mood - The only thing that seems to be getting me down is work.

* What I miss - I went to a wine and art festival over the weekend with my husband, mother-in-law, and a friend.  I enjoyed the food and the art, but I missed the wine tasting!  It's worth it, though.

* Appointments - My next regular OB appointment is on the 22nd, and my next MFM appointment (with US and cervix/placenta) is Nov. 5th.

* Medical concerns - Nutrition/calories, vitamin levels, CAH, Placenta Previa (sigh).

* Coming up - Starting to look at nursery themes!

Behind Door Number One...

We're having a girl!  I was always going to be thrilled either way, as long as she's healthy!  Everything seems to look great so far.  They didn't get all of the images of her heart that they would have liked to, so I go back in 4 weeks for a repeat scan.

At first we didn't think we were going to get gender.  She was being very uncooperative and stayed curled up in a ball to one side.  After the tech (who was fantastic, especially compared to the one that did my NT scan) got a lot of the important organs and whatnot, we took a break to see if she'd scoot over and open up her legs.  And she did!

It's not ALL good news, though as behind door number two, is...

Placenta previa.  Sigh.  It's only partial, and the doctor said that 95% of the time the placenta will "move out of the way" as the baby and my uterus grow.  I hope he's right.  They're going to keep a close eye on it.  At least now I have an explanation for the spotting.

I was feeling so happy and good, despite the previa, until after I got to work today.  I took all of yesterday off, so I could spend the afternoon with my husband.  The other people in my department knew about this appointment, and the ultrasound.  The only time and of these jerks have spoken to me today, is to tell me about problems that popped up yesterday in my absence, and even THAT they did via email.  I spent half the morning in tears.  I emailed HR to find out what would happen to my maternity leave if I decided not to come back.  It's all FMLA and short-term disability, which I'm pretty sure I'm guaranteed no matter what (as we pay for it in our taxes), but I'm not sure what will happen to my health benefits.  Hopefully they'll get back to me soon.  I don't see what they could do about any of it if I just called and told them at the end of the 12 weeks that I'm not coming back...  I just don't think I can do that, though.

Thank you for putting up with my griping!

Edit:  I added the US photos to the "Our Little Gizmo" page at the top!

Spotting Update

I haven't seen anything since about 10:00 last night.  Hopefully it stays that way.  I'll mention it at the doctor on Monday, and see what they think.  Maybe infection related?

Who knows.  The whole thing has left me strained and depressed.

Bad Excitement, Good Excitement, and 18 Weeks

I've had the tiniest bit of rusty-colored discharge/spotting today.  So far it seems to have stopped, but my heart is currently residing in my throat.  Most would say that I've had a fairly easy pregnancy, but I would take 9 months of throwing up every day, to never have to go to the bathroom and see spots in my panties. I'm doing my best to stay calm about it.  Every subsequent visit to the potty with nothing new makes me feel a little better.

In other, more happy-inducing news, my master bath is well on it's way to being renovated!  In 1 day the contractors had it completely gutted.  The next day they put down new subfloor, built out the wall so a 4 foot shower could fit were a non-standard (small) tub had been, and installed most of my new shower.  Today they're putting down the new flooring, and I'm not sure what else.  Very exciting!

On a semi-whim, JP and I decided to take a little trip!  My twin sister has lived in Denver for a couple of years now with her fiance.  She's moving back to Indiana in the Spring/early Summer, so if I want to visit her out there, I need to get going before my third trimester.  We booked out plane tickets today, and we're heading out on November 9th.  I'm so excited!

Speaking of my twin sister...  My pregnancy has motivated her to make some changes of her own.  She's dedicated to losing some weight, and she visited an endocrinologist to start being treated again for her CAH (we're identical, with the same adrenal disorder).  She is officially on the start of her road to TTC!  We're all really excited!

The weekly update, feel free to skip right on by!

* Belly - Definitely popping out now, though some still say it's not obvious.

* Weight gain - I'm up about 7 lbs.

* Symptoms - Fatigue is the big one.  My commute to work is starting to become pretty rough.  I'm having a lot of trouble staying asleep all night.

* Cravings/Aversions -  Sweets and Chinese food.  All of the Fall pumpkin treats are amazing!

* Clothes - I'm completely on maternity pants or regular pants and a Bella Band.  I'm having trouble with maternity shirts, and in general find them to be TIGHTER than regular shirts of the same size, just longer.  What the heck is up with that?

* Movement - I'm pretty sure I felt the baby move for the first time the night before last.  It felt like a tiny little flick just to the left of my belly button.  So amazing!  I can't wait until it's more frequent!

* Feelings on gender - I'm not guessing anymore!  My mother is SURE it's a girl, and my twin sister is SURE it's a boy!  Anatomy scan in 5 days!

* Meds - Morning:  Regular multivitamin, 2000 ui Vitamin D, Clari.ten 10 mg, 1600 mcg Folic Acid, 2 puffs of Symbi.cort (new change from Advair).  Mid-day:  600 iu Calcium x2.  Evening:  Prenatal, 800 mcg Folic Acid, Rhino.cort (new change from Flonase), Symbi.cort, 450 mg DHA, 30 mg Hydrocortisone.

* Mood - Erratic.  I go from really angry to over the moon excited about all the changes going on.  I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes.

* What I miss - Sleep.

* Appointments - Have I mentioned that my anatomy scan is in 5 days?!?!

* Medical concerns - Nutrition/calories, vitamin levels, CAH.

* Coming up - ANATOMY SCAN on Monday!