Thursday, May 16, 2013

Updates in Bullets

*  I started back to work on Tuesday.  I cried all the way here, and periodically throughout the day.  Yesterday and today have been better, but still hard.

*  Yesterday I let my manager know that I'm moving as soon as I can find a job near JP's new job.  She took it pretty well.  They may let/want me to go ahead and move and work remotely for a couple of months. That would be awesome.

*  I haven't packed a single thing.

*  We're heading up to look at apartments and houses this weekend, and I have a job interview on Monday.  It's just part-time, but that may be exactly what I want, if we can budget in a way that I can afford to do it.

*  My baby hit 12 weeks old yesterday.  Where the heck does the time go?!

*  In honor of the 12-week milestone (ok, it's really just so we don't have to travel with as much stuff), we took the bassinet piece out of the pack n play, and Betty spent her first night in the middle level.  She did really well.  It's so hard for ME to make those stupid little changes, because I hate physically acknowledging how fast she's growing up.

*  I hate being away from my girl for so many hours a day!

*  We had a quiet Mother's Day.  I'm having a hard time feeling like I deserve to be celebrated.  Especially when my sister is now going through her own battle with infertility, and I have several people close to me that have lost their mothers in recent memory.  It's hard to be joyous when others are sad.

*  I stopped pumping 3 days ago.  I'm having some guilt about this, but I was to the point where I was only getting about 3 ounces in 24 hours.  I didn't want to have to deal with the stress of going back to work, trying to pump at work, moving, etc.  Luckily, Betty does really well with the formula.  I've been pumping exclusively since she was 3 weeks old or so, after she started refusing to breastfeed.  Maybe at some point I'll write a post about my breastfeeding, pumping, and supplementing experiences, but right now there's just too much guilt associated with it all.  I'll get over it.

"When the going gets tough, the tough call Grandma".  We don't care if it's a boys onesie!

What I came home to, after my first day back to work.

Rocking her swaddlepod and new sleeping spot.  Sorry it's such a dark picture!


  1. So much guilt - now you just need to stop that! You are so totally deserving and have worked hard for what you have. YOU are definitely worth celebrating! Sorry your sister is struggling with her own IF. BY the way, no I didn't know you were a twin! You should write about that sometime. Good luck with your interview on Monday!!!!!

  2. Thinking of you. Breastfeeding was my gateway into PPD and it's so easy to carry guilt about motherhood in general...

    Betty is getting so big!

  3. Too cute! Love the jeans, mine has a pair too. And lucky she likes to be swaddled, bet it helps her sleep. Good luck with the job hunt and move!