A Snow Day, and 30 Weeks

Happy belated Christmas, all!

I had to cut my family holiday celebration a little shorter than intended, due to a blizzard warning set to take effect at 1 am this morning.  They were predicting 10 to 14 inches of snow.  We wanted to make sure we got home well before it started.  I'm not sure how many inches we got, but our county is under a snow emergency, they closed the highway, and our vehicles have been buried by the snow plow.  JP and I have been working from home, and I had to reschedule my MFM (and growth scan) appointment, which will now be next Thursday.  I really wanted to try to get there, but it's 55 miles away, via the closed highway, and it's just not safe.

Despite being cut short, and a little bit of drama starting off the weekend, I had a wonderful holiday.  My mom dug out a lot of my own baby clothes, cleaned them, and packaged them up for me for Christmas.  It was so much fun unwrapping and looking at all of it, and knowing/hoping my own baby girl will be wearing them soon.  I'll have to take and post some pictures of some of it.

Just for posterity, and to heck with feeling like I'm jinxing something, I think I'll do my weekly update.  As always, I'll understand if you skip right by.

* Belly - My phone app tells me that my uterus is now the size of a basketball.  Yep, that looks about right.

* Weight gain - I'm up 20 lbs.

* Symptoms - Sleeping has been a bit more uncomfortable, my hips are starting to ache after a couple of hours on which side.  I'm back to needing to pee more often, and my hormones/mood swings are getting erratic again.

* Cravings/Aversions -  Nothing unusual, though the sweet tooth is still in full-force.  Though, the other day I desperately wanted some friend vegetables and calamari, with horseradish sauce.  I never did go get any, though.

* Clothes - Thank goodness for stretch pants.  I can still wear some of my regular tops.

* Movement - No change on this one, tons and tons.  I love this more than I could ever describe.  She continues to elude letting anyone feel other than JP, much to my family's disappointment.

* Meds - Morning:  Regular multivitamin, iron supplement, 2000 ui Vitamin D, 1600 mcg Folic Acid.  Mid-day:  600 iu Calcium x2.  Evening:  Prenatal, 800 mcg Folic Acid, Rhino.cort , Advair, 450 mg DHA, 60 mg Hydrocortisone.  

New:  My endocrinologist upped my Hydrocortisone, despite decent bloodwork results.  She said as long as I'm tolerating it well, it can't hurt anything.

* Mood - Outside of a happy holiday, I've been really depressed and stressed.  Work has been ridiculous lately.

* What I miss - Not a thing.

* Appointments - MFM and growth scan rescheduled due to weather, to 1/3.  My next regular OB is 1/2.

* Medical concerns - My petite little baby, nutrition/calories, vitamin levels, CAH, Placenta Previa, though this has improved.

* Coming up - Who knows!

A Random Chuckle For You

I haven't bought any maternity panties.  I've been making due with older ones from one of my weight-loss stages.  This means that they're sometimes too loose, or too short, or both.  Today, on my way in to work, I had my hands full with various things.  Between the car and my desk, my panties fell down as far as they could go, inside of my pants.  Luckily, my pants didn't budge.

Merry Christmas!

*EDIT:  I just noticed that this is my 100th post.  Too funny!

Welcome December ICLW!

Hello ICLWers and Happy Holidays!

I'm Jamie, I'm 32 years old, married to JP  for just over 2 years (but together for 6).  I am 17 months post-op, roux-en-y (RNY) gastric bypass surgery; there's a link above if you're interested in reading more about it.  Since beginning my weight-loss journey (before pregnancy), I lost 146 pounds.  I've gained about 20 of that back.  I suffer from Non-Classic Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (NCAH), which effects my fertility very similarly to PCOS.  Untreated it causes elevated testosterone levels, insulin resistance, anovulation, etc.   Despite these hurdles, I am 29 weeks pregnant with my first child, a little girl!  It has not been without complications.  I had some spotting scares, which were eventually explained by placenta previa.  It is improving, and is finally over the 2 cm mark away from my cervix, as of a week and a half ago.  We're also having some growth issues.  IUGR was mentioned last visit.  We started at 8th percentile, jumped to 20th, and then went back down to 16th, with a less than average jump over two weeks, at our last growth scan.  The next growth scan is the day after Christmas.  Fingers and toes are crossed that we made some positive gains.  More of my IF history and US pictures of my little peanut, if you're in to that kind of thing, can be found in the tabs toward the top of the page.  If you have any questions for me, please feel free to ask!

If you decide to stay and poke around, I'll apologize in advance for my scattered and depressing recent posts.  My hormones are a mess lately.

Unexpected Distancing

I'm not an in-your-face pregnant person.  Even if I hadn't been through what I've been through trying to get pregnant, it's just not the kind of person that I am.  I don't give unsolicited updates to people.  Yes, I share on facebook... to a customized group of people that consists mostly of immediate family who don't live nearby.  I would think I wouldn't scare people away so easily, given that.

A lot of my life, a significant portion of my closest friends have been male.  Even most of my BEST friends over the last several years.  One such best friend, whom I met through my husband, lived with us for a time while he was struggling financially and putting himself through school.  He's my age, 32.  When he couldn't find a job after graduation, he enlisted in the army.  He's been gone for about 2 years, now.  It never stopped him from texting and calling often, and spending a good deal of time with us during his 2 leaves a year.  He was home last when I discovered I was pregnant, and was the first (and only, for a while) non-family member that we told.  I've heard from him significantly less, since then.  He never asks me how I'm doing, or how the pregnancy is going.  I know that it's painful for him to be single and away from all of his family and friends, and that he's miserable in the army.  I'm sure that jealousy plays a part, as does just the male tendency to not think to inquire about certain things.  It hurts me, though.  Now I just found out that we won't be able to see him, save for in passing, while he's home for Christmas.  He's been in town since Monday, and we haven't heard from him until today.  He expected we'd be available on Saturday (and didn't ask until a few minutes ago), and planned to come by.  We'll be with my family in the opposite end of the state.

I've mentioned before that my twin sister, who lives several states away, is moving home with her fiance when her lease is up in the spring.  She always knew she'd want to come home when one or both of her sisters started a family.  I couldn't be more thrilled about this.

When my younger sister (single and not tied down by anything specific) visited over the weekend, she told me that she's moving to the west coast, which is even further away, hopefully after my baby is born, but possibly before.  I didn't let on how upset that makes me.  I understand that people need to live their lives, and I don't really expect anyone to stay nearby just for me and my daughter.  But really... deep down, I would hope that she would WANT to.  I can't help but, in my recently increasing again hormonal state, think that maybe it's BECAUSE she doesn't want to be around for this.  Maybe she thinks my mother will be too much to handle.  Maybe it's for reasons I can't think of.  All I know is that I'm so upset that I burst in to tears every time I think about it.

I hate being such a frigging downer lately.  Please don't think that I'm not grateful for the things that ARE going right, because I very much am, I'm just having a hard time pushing those things to the surface, lately.  Six days til my next growth scan...  I hope with all of my being that we get some good news.  I'd even settle for some decent news.

Hugs to you all!

MFM Update, 29 Weeks

My MFM appointment went pretty uneventful.  I went over my blood sugars with one of the nurses, who advised me to add some protein to my bedtime snack if I'm having something sweet, to see if that will make a difference in my fasting levels.  We're going to go over them again after another week, before deciding to add any medications.  My blood pressure remains good/low.  My weight is up about 22 lbs.  I don't know if I can blame the high hydroc.ortisone dose on this, partially, or not.

I was not expecting the biophysical scan/ultrasound.  She was looking for specific things, which she explained to me as she went.  Breathing movements, fingers/toes movement, a few views of the heart, kidneys, brain, and pulse rates from her cord.  She kept kicking in the middle of the pulse recordings, which meant they had to start all over several times.  I don't ever get tired of that sound, so I didn't mind.  Everything seemed to look good.  They didn't check growth, cervix, or placenta, which is what I'm used to.  We'll do all that next week.  I was completely depressed to be there by myself for all of it.

I'm so tired of being worried.  I am comforted by every big and tiny movement that I feel inside of me.  I feel like her turns and somersaults are a lot more noticeable, and even slightly uncomfortable the last several days, which I feel like HAS to mean that she's growing.

I feel like I had a few weeks of reprieve from crazy-making hormone levels, but now they're back in full force.  After passing on to a friend that the scan was fine, but we didn't check growth or anything like that, he responded with "no news is good news".  I understand that it's well-meaning, but UGH!  For some reason it just really upset me.  There's no news on growth BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T CHECK IT.  If you're a good friend of mine, and you don't know what else to say, don't spout out some meaningless sentiment.  I may just start keeping updates for people that understand me and my state of mind.

I'm sorry this is so all over the place.  I've got the rest of this week, and then I'm taking off for my Mom's Saturday - Tuesday for Christmas.  I'm really looking forward to the time off/away, but not to the extra work I have to do to be able to not be here on Monday.  I don't have all of my shopping done, nor do I necessarily have the funds to finish.  I barely have anything wrapped, I have laundry I need to do.  I'd better stop thinking about all of it before I explode!

I'll be back in a couple of days with an ICLW post.  I'm looking forward to ICLW, I just hope I have time to participate as I should!

A Few Bullets

I only have a few minutes before I head to my MFM appointment, but I have a few things that I wanted to get off of my chest.

*  I can't even talk about Sandy Hook, and I'm having a hard time even reading people's posts about it.  So very sad and horrible.

*  I've been repeating my 4x daily blood sugar testing, as just 2 of my levels last time were above normal.  Every one of my first-thing-in-the-morning levels have been above normal, and one or 2 of my 2-hours-post-meal levels have been above normal, as well.  I guess I'll find out what this means at my appointment.

*  JP's work is being ridiculous about his attending appointments with me.  He's out of vacation/sick time, and they won't let him make up the hours by working late/early/on the weekends.  They never had a problem with this before, and yes, they know all of our circumstances.  I'm so infuriated by the whole thing that I doubt I would ever be able to show my face in his office again, without making a scene.  This means that he can't come to my next growth scan appointment next week, after taking off Christmas Eve.  I'm upset beyond words about this.

*  Without consulting my first, he asked his mother to go with me in his place.  I love my mother-in-law, don't get me wrong.  But, I'm also carrying some resentment toward her for a few things.  She's backed out on coming with us to appointments in the past, including the anatomy scan where we were to discover gender.  She also has been smoking inside of her new residence, despite promises to quit, and notification that her grandchild would not be visiting her there if she's been smoking indoors.  This may seem overprotective, but I have no gone through everything I've been through, only to subject my baby to any form of second-hand smoke.  I'm not doing it.  I could write a whole separate post about this, including the phone conversation I heard her have with her sister, bitching about it.  I haven't decided yet if her presence at my appointment next week is preferable to my going alone, or not.  I've been upset about it all day.

*  I had a regular OB appointment yesterday.   It was uneventful, and there isn't really anything to report.  I go back every two weeks, from now on.

I'd best get my bootie in the car and head across town.  Thank you for suffering through my venting session.

12th Percentile, 28 Weeks

We had another growth scan yesterday, and the news is not great.  My baby has dropped from the 20th percentile 2 weeks ago, to the 16th.  She only gained 4 ounces in that time.  My pregnancy phone apps says she should weight 2.25 to 2.9 lbs by now, but we're sitting at 1 lb, 13 ounces (1.8 lbs?), according to yesterday's measurements. That scares me so much.

The plan is to be seen weekly by MFM for a while, though my next growth scan won't be until the day after Christmas.  I'm to rest when I can, and eat as healthy as I can... as if I wasn't doing that already.

She is still moving a lot, and her heart looks good.  Her placenta has also cleared the 2 cm mark away from my cervix, which is what they wanted to see.  I think it's something like 2.4 cm away.  At least there is SOME good news.

I'm so scared, I'm depressed, the quality of my sleep is going downhill, and I'm carrying around a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders.  I really want to not be so worried, because I know that doesn't do either of us any good, but today I don't have much energy to fight it.

Tomorrow I have a meeting schedule with my bosses and one of my coworkers about the plan for getting her ready to cover for me while I'm gone.  I just don't want to deal with it, but I know I need to.